Growing Family

Welcome, Winter

Today, June 1st, heralds the First Day of Winter Down Under. You might be drinking a cold beer in the shower after mowing the lawn, or cleaning off the barbeque for the season, or running out to buy sprinklers for the kids to play in, but we are doing very different things. 

We are drinking tea. Lots of tea.

Every Aussie home has a benchtop (countertop) electric kettle. I think they are standard issue when they stamp your visa at the airport. We keep the sugar bowl full, and milk at the ready. I go for a large mug of earl grey, but we have a whole cupboard of tea. 

Aussies take their tea seriously and there is a whole body of tea language. I take my tea sweet and white, if you must know. I once had a tradesman working at my house who sent the tea back two times before coming into the kitchen to sugar/milk it to his specific preferences. True story. 

We are pulling out the footy pjs, buying new flannels, and thermals and putting extra doonas (duvets) on the beds.

I've heard lots of Aussies talk about putting the flannel sheets on the bed, but we sleep European style - with a bottom sheet and a duvet on top, with a duvet cover, and no top sheet. I'm thinking about making some flannel duvet covers to get in on that cozy experience.

As soon as my oven is fixed (I could write a very negative post about a certain appliance repair company who has been "fixing" my broken oven for two months now...) we will be baking quick breads, muffins, casseroles, and roasts.

Currently we are enjoying adventures in slow cooker/crock pot cooking, and I am super excited about my Freecycle vintage crock pot! Some recipes have been more successful than others, but it is just so fantastic to come home from a really long and busy day where there is no time to cook, to a hot and hearty meal. Please send me your favorite crock pot recipes!

Creamy cauliflower soup tasted better than it looked...okay, maybe not. Strike that one off the list.

We're still enjoying afternoon highs around 20C (68F), but things are starting to cool down. We've got the heater on low downstairs to keep the place from getting really chilly (double brick and lots of glass can act like a giant cooler...which is good...in the summer). 

We're starting to layer up and in the evenings I'm pulling out my favorite vintage New Zealand wool blankets to cuddle up and watch tv, with my knock-off Ugg boots, and thermal underwear. 

What do you do when the weather turns cold? I want to celebrate the changes instead of moan about the chill. After all, I can look at pictures from my friends in Michigan's UP and that shuts me right up!

 

Creative Overdrive

Back in Nashville we owned a tidy little two bedroom post-war bungalow. It was the first house we bought together in a little run-down street, within sight of a gas station. I loved that house.

When Small Sun entered the picture, my sister-in-law and I threw ladders up in the tiny second bedroom to paint a blue ceiling with fluffy white clouds. I upcycled nearly all the furniture in the house, and one crowning piece we still treasure today is an eight foot long desk The Captain and I designed together and an arborist/welder friend of ours built for us. The top is about four inches thick of some gorgeous wood, and the bottom is a steel frame. It weighs three million tons (or kilos!), and will outlast us for sure.

Living in rental properties since moving to Sydney was really hard for me. I am a creative person and I get the itch to change things...often. My whole life growing up, my family was knocking down walls to open up views, and bringing spontaneous creativity to liven up drab spaces. I am pretty sure my dad did knock out one wall one night, after we sat at the dinner table talking about how the room could look better if it was more open plan.

Hide sledgehammers and power tools when my lot is around. We have no respect for building codes or blueprints when the creative juices start to flow. 

We've been in this house nearly a year and I have tackled projects slowly and cautiously. I suppose the investment this house represents makes me cautious to maintain its resale value, not to mention I've been up to my eyeballs in caring for really young kids this year. Staple guns and toddlers do not mix.

With four and a half short weeks to get two rooms made over, my brain has gone into creative overdrive, with no real respect to budgetary constraints or...reality.

We are moving our office into an open plan room downstairs that acts as a glorified hallway. I end up folding laundry on a spare bed that has landed in the space, there is a toy kitchen, and some random bookshelves that didn't fit anywhere else. The room is a bit cold and gloomy unless the abundant down lights are on, using precious electricity. 

To that alluring space we will move our gargantuan desk, and the current office will be fitted out as a nursery/spare room for foster care and guests. 

I keep telling myself "this is really as simple as moving some furniture on a Saturday", but the project has grown in my mind.

Before we do the switch we want to paint our first really bold move in the house. We are going to do a feature wall in this style with a Yellow and White stripe! Except we are going to continue a stripe at one level extending to the right into a reading nook, and one at a second level to the left to pull the eye down and along the corridor to the boys' room.

Striped walls require a lot of prep work and I've been watching tutorial videos and trying to find a chalk line to borrow. I have the room mostly emptied so we are just waiting for the weekend, as it is a two person job!

Yellow is my happy color (could it be anything but?), and I know they are super-trendy, but chevrons make me happy too. Here is the picture I'm drawing inspiration from in the new office. I plan to hang several gold-leaf antique mirrors on top of the yellow stripe, in addition to what I call my "command central" pin board and calendar that currently hang above my desk. 

I love the juxtaposition of strong color and modern lines, with the delicate and timeless beauty of well-made antiques, and I can't walk past industrial antiques either. 

Upstairs, I want to paint the nursery with a grey feature wall so I can style it in a more feminine esthetic (this may be my favorite EVER girl's nursery space), or neutral (a space like this could go either gender just by switching out a couple soft furnishings). 

Upstairs in our house reads more traditional, with burgundy, gold, and neutral tones dictated by a large traditional rug, and my many found treasures (shells, stones, and pieces of nature). Downstairs is where we are experimenting with bold colors mixed with antiques.

Having the freedom to dream and create in a space is something I love, love, love. If only I had a team of tradespeople and an unlimited budget at my beck and call! Anyway, I am having lots of fun, if not making myself a little crazy with the possibilities.

It is just moving furniture around, after all, but in my mind it has become

painting elaborate designs

sourcing strong rugs and crib bedding at bargain prices

hanging rods and curtains (should I make them by hand?)

putting up a crib (should I repaint mine, since I can't justify buying a new one just because it is gorgeous

repainting the file cabinet

sewing slipcovers for a loaned glider with forest green plaid cushions

etc, etc, etc...

What do you get carried away with?

PS- Sorry for all the links. I'm not sure what the web ettiquette is when it comes to sharing others' pictures so I thought it best to link rather than snag and tag. That is a real internet-thing by the way - snag and tag.

House Hunting in Sydney

I have several friends house hunting at the moment. The housing cost to income ratio in Sydney is one of the highest in the world. We were so blessed to come across our fantastic house, yet we are paying dearly for it.

You'll imagine then, why I had to share this gem of a property for anyone out there looking.

"Lifestyle living in Sydney's Inner West. Cozy unit with innovative design to maximize the floor plan is paired with spectacular waterfront location, access to public transportation, and nature views. This property has it all - location, creativity, and potential! This opportunity won't last long, view it today."

Keeping a Big Heart

Beyond the busyness of life and birthdays, we have faced some challenges lately that had me feeling like I was totally at capacity (or beyond), when it came to "coping". It is amazing how one day you can feel strong and capable, and the next the rug has been completely pulled out from under your feet.

We are regaining our balance, and I found one specific thing key to keeping my head above water.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

 When I woke up in the morning feeling like I was in a dark place even before my eyes opened, I started grabbing truths from the Bible and holding them with both hands. I lay in bed quietly speaking scripture into my mind and heart until I found the strength to get up and face the day. 

Living life in friendship and connection with God, I have so many wonderful promises to hold onto, especially in difficult times. Choosing to actively connect with positive truth in the midst of negative circumstances is really hard. I think that's why we're told to "guard our hearts." Guarding our hearts is actually really hard work. It can be a very active and intentional thing.

When my heart starts to get down, my whole perspective goes down really fast. The Captain and I laugh at me sometimes (I have learned to see how obvious the pattern is!), that if I am feeling low about one thing, before you know it my whole life seems to be falling down around my ears...sometimes just because I am exhausted or hungry.

I need to do this in my life. I need to guard my heart to make sure that the life coming out of it is the life I want.

Another way I need to guard my heart is to keep it open and generous. I seem to be constantly adjusting the balance - protecting my little family and the individual hearts in it so that everyone feels loved and supported and empowered, and also reaching out to others and relying on the inbuilt strength we've established in our kids to carry them over while I lend my strength to others for a season.

So, with this balancing act in mind, we are preparing for another foster care placement. This time it will be a little boy, about 21 months old. We expect him to come to us in July, after his current carers move overseas. 

Learning from our last two experiences, and from some discussions with our kids, we think it is important for foster kids to have their own room so that our kids are able to maintain some continuity with their personal space that doesn't change repeatedly. The Sprout, in particular, really seems to need things to stay "the same", and struggles with change. She is the one who has shared her room two times, and who still really mourns and misses the first baby we cared for. 

To that end, we have a carpenter coming in to make our open plan office into a bedroom. Like Sprout, I find that having new children sharing our bedroom is stressful for me, so I'm thankful we have some flexibility with our room arrangements to dedicate a new bedroom.

I met the sweet little boy this week. Adding a fourth child, going back to diapers, strollers, baby food, and all the extras that come with a child who has experienced trauma and abuse or neglect, requires me to stop and choose to open my heart. I have to guard my heart so that my own selfishness doesn't mean I ignore another's need. At the same time, I have to recognize my own needs and make sure I take care of my own person.

In our small group through church, we've been talking about what Jesus payed for when He died on the cross. The fact that we have access to so much freedom through Jesus doesn't mean that we don't have to reach out and grab it with both hands. He gave us the ultimate gift, but it is up to us to accept it, unwrap it, and use it. Easier said than done!

 

The Party Year

We are, by nature, inclusive people. When it comes to birthdays, we like our community to surround our kids. Why stop at a couple same-age friends when there are siblings and families and special adults to celebrate with us? 

Well I'll tell you why. Fun as it is to have 50 people in your backyard when a forecast of rain reshuffles your beach-intended party, and fun as it is to have 50 people crowding the local (grubby) Scout Hall when the forecast of rain reshuffles your park-intended party, doing that a couple times around can kind of do your head in. Catering for 25+ adults, and 25+ kids, in a change of venue, is a lot of food, and a lot of party bags, and a lot of EVERYTHING. 

We decided it was time for a new plan.

We settled on the party-every-other-year approach. 

Still recovering from the above mentioned extravaganzas, last year was our no-party birthday year. Thank God, too, because last year was challenging enough with starting out as foster carers, without adding birthday bashes on top!

Of course we still celebrated, and this is how we did it. Following my family's tradition of letting a child choose their birthday supper and dessert, we thew in the option of choosing a favorite restaurant or having me make their special meal. Lucky me, each child wanted to eat out. I brought some party hats to the restaurant, baked a fun cake, and the celebration was complete.

We have also begun to learn from experience that we don't need to give our children many presents. Initially, I thought that our children would not have "enough" presents at holidays and birthdays, since they live so far from relatives. After several rounds of ending up with heaps of presents because we bought lots, AND lots arrived in the mail and from friends, we've settled down to about one nice present for the birthday child. Now the approach to a birthday is marked with packages arriving and piling up in wait for the special day!

This year is the party year and this weekend BOTH my boys celebrate their birthdays. Small Sun turns 7 and Finch turns 3. 

After attending some really fantastic parties, and talking to friends, I am settling on the "less is more" approach this year. That is, a few close friends doing something really fun that you couldn't pull off with 25+ kids. 

For Small Sun, The Captain is going to execute the entire birthday celebration, along with another Dad who has offered to come on board. (Interestingly enough, all the Dads offered to come along as an extra chaperone, which leads me to think the party sounds pretty good.). Small Sun's friends will congregate at a nearby ferry wharf to ride the ferry into Darling Harbour. First they will stop at a pizza parlour to eat pizza to their hearts content. Next they will attend the IMAX Theatre's The Last Reef show in 3D. Then, they will spend about an hour playing at the new playground at Darling Quarter, before eating a cake The Captain ordered and will pick up in the city. Sugared up and played out, they will return on the ferry to be collected by their parents. 

While they are away, I will be home cleaning the house because on Sunday, we will celebrate Finch's birthday with three other families and their collective six children.

For this party I am inspired by a friend whose child's third birthday we recently celebrated. Her approach was to cater to the parents and let the kids play in the back yard. Of course, being married to an Italian, and being a fantastic cook herself, we love to go to their parties to eat. We usually roll home and spend the rest of the day lying about, digesting.

Who says a child's party needs to be all party games and craft activities? Having their friends over for a giant play date is pretty special when they are three. It doesn't need to be much more complicated than that!

So for Finch's birthday, I am focusing on the adult food. Since he is currently addicted to Wallace & Gromit and their moon cheese adventure, I am going with a rocket theme. I have forked out to have a professional do a rocket cake, and am planning to let the kids decorate cardboard boxes with tin foil, etc, to build "rockets". There are all sorts of crazy crafty-gamey things you can do, but I think I'll keep it simple. For party favors I bought glider planes for each child and I plan to tape lollipops to the bottom (like sweet bombs, I suppose).

I think these parties will probably cost nearly as much as the big shindigs, but I think they will be better quality. I never enjoy parties where you spend 2 hours in a kid/sugar induced mayhem, only to leave with a party bag full of sugar and toys that break in the car. I am looking for a different way to do this whole thing, and I hope this weekend is a success!

What do you do for birthdays at your place? If you have a young child and you celebrate their birthday on a different day than their "real" birthday, do you tell them when it is their real birthday as well? Wish me luck!

 

 

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Actually, good people make good neighbors.

The house behind us is immaculately presented from the street, without a weed or stray piece of gravel to be found. They are downhill from us and we have seen them spend the last months putting in a gorgeous hand-cut stone patio and entertaining area. It all looks good, but what I hear come over the fence is poison.

Several months ago the parents and their young daughter were outside. The girl seemed a bit grizzly and whiny, but within the norm for a young child. I heard the parents berate and accuse, threaten, and demean that girl for quite some time. The things they said to her broke my heart. In the end she was crying, and I think I was too.

It only happened that one time and I began to wonder, did I really hear what I thought I did? They seem like normal people. They have friends over for bbqs, they spend saturday afternoons puttering around the garden.

Today I was in the garden by myself and they were out in theirs. This time I became aware that they also have a little boy that the mother talks to with sweet enthusiasm, in addition to the daughter she kept snapping at. 

"All parents get worn out and are less kind than they should be." I thought. 

"You are being so naughty, you really are. You are three, and you are becoming so naughty." said the mom's antagonizing voice. 

"Great." I thought, as I hadn't heard the little girl whining or crying or throwing a tantrum. But then what I heard next left me standing still, garden tools forgotten, eyes stinging with rage.

"You're so naughty. I should put you up for adoption. Do you want me to do that? Do you want me to put you up for adoption? Do you want me to find another family for you? Because I can do that if you want!"

The girl made a small noise in the affirmative, I'm sure having no idea what her mother was talking about.

"You do want me to put you up for adoption? Okay, how about I put you out on the street with a sign around your neck saying 'up for adoption'? Let's do that."

I nearly climbed my peach tree to start yelling at her over the fence, but then realized that wouldn't matter to her and wouldn't make any difference anyway.

I don't know who I was more mad for, her little daughter that she was bullying and intimidating, or my children who might have overheard her sickening game, had they been outside at the time.

Later, after the mother had corralled her kids inside (I thought), I heard the little girl banging on the door and screaming hysterically. The mom came to the door and asked in a concerned voice "what's wrong? are you okay?" But then she continued with something like "was there someone there? Did a scary person come? Cause that's what happens when you don't come in with mommy right away. A scary person can come and take you and hurt you."

I hate people who make children feel small and vulnerable and afraid. I hate when adults use their power to bully and abuse children. It is one of the only times where I feel angry to the point of violence, furious to the point of rage, and unforgiving of the person's issues. Maybe she's bipolar or depressed or something, but no child should experience that kind of meanness from anyone, their mother least of all.

Would you report her to the Department of Children's Services? I know it wouldn't warrant an investigation, but it might set a precedent if someone else makes a report when the girl goes to daycare or preschool. I'm usually about giving people the benefit of the doubt, but at this point it is clear to me this woman is emotionally abusing her daughter.

 

 

A Great Day

I am not on twitter or instagram, but I have gotten totally hooked on Pinterest (an online pin-board that provides hours of eye candy covering just about anything you could be interested in). I am the kind of girl who used to have 503 tabs open in my browser because I wanted to come back and look at something again. 

I love Pinterest because beauty makes me happy, and it instantly gets my creative juices flowing. Also, I read a few design blogs and am constantly noting things I want to revisit.

One problem, however, with my new found inspiration, is that it seems like MOST of the world is blogging/pinning/posting from the northern hemisphere (can I get a witness Down Under!?). 

Everyone is chattering about spring florals, and summer vegetable gardens, and the swimsuit for their summer holiday. The mommy bloggers are talking about summer vacation ideas for the kids, and the food bloggers are whisking up perfect warm-weather concoctions.

Here, in Sydney, we are layering up our clothes. We are raking fallen leaves in the garden. We are piling an extra quilt on top of the doona at night. We are pulling out the scraggly, ragged remains of the summer garden to prepare for the winter crop. We are getting chestnuts in our weekly veggie boxes, and cooking hearty soups served up with dense breads.

At the shift of the seasons, there tends to be a bit of a disconnect from the rest of the online world, and it is in full effect by the time we have winter opposite summer. 

No matter, today I had the best day.

Hours in the garden, tearing out shrivelled cucumber vines, and pruning all the fruit trees in my back garden were extremely satisfying. Three apples, two citrus, and two stone fruit. If you could see the size of my garden, you would be scratching your head as to how they all fit...they don't. Hopefully the hard pruning I gave them today will boost their health and keep their size in check. 

The Captain helped me out after spending some time sleeping on the trampoline (an ultimate weekend indulgence he earned by taking Small Sun to his 7:45 AFL game, 45 minutes away!). He climbed up into the stone fruit trees with lopper and a saw and took care of what I couldn't reach on my bright yellow two step stool (we really need a ladder).

We cleared all the cuttings out, raked the lawn, and dug out some other non-essentials. Now the back garden looks perfect for our autumn schemings: a fire pit for regular sausage and marshmallow sizzling. We may not be flitting into springtime, but we're having jolly good fun Down Under!

Finch on my Shoulder

In recent weeks Finch has had some ups and downs and is currently driving me crazy. 

First the girls were here and he had the experience of suddenly losing the little pet position in the family. Then, he became quite sick with a chest infection and stopped eating. At one point you could have overheard The Captain and I pleading "we will give you a vitamin if you please eat this chocolate pudding...just one bite...please eat some pudding!" 

He finally rallied from his weak and frail state and still has an eye infection/stye/something that weeks of working with eye drops, ointment and antibiotics is still not improving.

And the big kids are home on school holidays, so our whole routine is upended in the most delightful of ways.

It should make perfect sense that my almost-three-year-old would be rattled by all of this, but I am struggling to keep seeing it from his perspective.

From my perspective-

He is waking up repeatedly in the night, often wheedling his way into our bed.

He is waking up early from naps, and comes out crying just when I am settled into "my time".

He has developed an intense fear of the house falling down and asks me about a kajillion times a day "house won't fall?" despite all my efforts to calm his fears.

He is suddenly also afraid of thunder, and any other loud and rumbling noises that might indicate our house it about to fall down.

He would rather hang around my legs than play with the other kids.

He insists on being taken to the toilet, even though he is perfectly capable of going on his own. 

At first it was deliciously sweet to have him climb into my bed while I was reading at naptime, stroking my face and talking in his lilting little toddler-talk. He adores me with a million cuddles and wants me near. It's sweet.

It was sweet. It was pure delight until his cloying attentions became slightly manic and overly needy.

I pendulum swing between trying to give him extra hugs and cuddles for reassurance, and wanting to scrape him off me like gum on sneakers. His frantic voice ringing out "Mom! Where a'You!!!??" when I take five steps from him is about to put me over the edge.

He's lucky he's 300% cute.

At least he is in this picture...in real life he is disintigrating into a puddle on the floor crying "I sit-a-yo-lap! Let my in!" And then he pulls out the showstopper "poo poo! Come!" and I do, reassuring him "house won't fall" as we go.

2012 First School Holidays

Thanks to each of you that went and voted for my blog. For reasons that involve politics I am not involved in (thank goodness), the Circle of Moms has cancelled the competition. Oh well. It was fun to be nominated, and to have people vote, and to see my blog traffic spike in a significant way, so thanks for that!

We are in the second week of Term 1 school holidays. I LOVE the holidays. In Australia the school year is broken up into four (roughly) 10 week terms, and between terms there are two and three week holidays, alternately. 

By the end of the term we were just dragging, especially with two extra kiddies in the house. Now we are sleeping in, watching movies, I am curling up in my bed during the day to read The Hunger Games for hours, it is delightful.

This last weekend we went up the coast to camp with friends at a gorgeous little holiday park where our tent opened up to a view of the water. The kids ran around playing in the dirt and trying to build fires while we read magazines from our camp chairs, sipping tea.

We are just letting it all. hang. out. It is so wonderful to have a break.

Here are some gems from our hols so far:

 Good Friday at Narrabeen

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 Apple Picking at Bilpin

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 Round the house goodness which included my 31st birthday

Camping at Soldier's Point 

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 Whatever you are doing this week, I hope you find the joy and beauty around you!

Top 25 Adoptive and Foster Moms - 2012 list on Circle of Moms!

Imagine my surprise and delight when I received this in my email "Your blog Growing Family has been nominated to the Top 25 Adoptive and Foster Moms - 2012 list on Circle of Moms!"

I read so many of the other blogs nominated, and they contain so much rich wisdom and experience, in addition to lots of humor and fun.

Adoption and Foster Care are both amazing, and it is great to be part of a community while navigating the process, and life afterwards. 

You can vote once a day until April 26th, and I'd love to get my blog "out there" a little bit more, so please go vote for me! Thanks lovelies!

Vote for Me!