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08 February 2007

Comments

cloudscome

Oy.

One thing: tolerance of ambiguity is a good thing. I think.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambiguity_tolerance

Tamara Cosby

Wow. Powerful stuff. Thanks for the thoughts to absorb. I have had the amazing experience of observing adoption from two different friends, I can see the love/stress/possible hate decision you are going through from a much less emotional place, which is both fortunate for me and unfortunate for me. I have always had a strong desire to adopt, especially a special needs child...after much prayer, we will make that decision. Not this moment, but for sure when the other children are slightly older...they need to know this is another family member, not an adopted child for us...at least, that is how I think I feel...

abebech

This is really difficult. I
do believe that infant adoption requires reform, and the most scrutiny of all the possibilities. There, the occurrence far outstrips the real need.

But I also wrote awhile back about my transracial, transnational adoption (I haven't been blogging lately) being the "fifth best option" for my daughter, in theory:

1.n-family/f-family
2.kinship care
3.same race, same country
4.different race, same country/culture
5.different race/different country/culture

Options 1-4 were not available to Miss I. And while I might be fifth best in theory, I know I'm darn good in practice.

Am I going to be able to defend my decision to adopt to all members of the triad, including myself, on every day? No. But I can look the adult Miss I. in the eye and say it couldn't have been another way. And that's going to have to be good enough.

So I suppose I also [don't] believe in adoption, and I know we'll be doing it again.

tmez

Okay, I was nervous about our girl coming home and how I could help her become a confident, whole and healed, woman with a destiny for greatness and not make her feel like an out of place freak in the suburban, middle-class white family in a new country. I'm even more unsure. I am only sure that I can throw myself at the feet of God and beg Him to perform a miracle in all of us. You are an amazingly gifted writer. Thank you for sharing. There is so much for me to learn.

alice

Yes. To me, this issue is like a lot of other issues whose causes are preventable - working to prevent the issue/problem from developing in the first place needs to happen. AND dealing with the current realities of the issue also needs to happen.

Refusing to take part in problematic adoptions, *when the forseeable future offers no alternative for the children in question* is not a stance I'm willing to take. Participating in adoption while working to eliminate the need for it is.

Bethany

Thanks so much for putting so much of my muddy thoughts into such succinct, well developed words. I greatly appreciate this post. From another 5th best option who will be doing this again!

Kat

I'm such a fan of your blog, and I love the last line here. Adoption isn't perfect. If the world were perfect, my husband and I wouldn't have had trouble getting pregnant. No mother would not be able to care for her newborn baby. Every baby would have a family who loves and cherishes him/her rather than abusing or neglecting. But, this isn't the world. And like you, my life isn't lived through cold fact; it's lived through faith. Beautiful post!

AFF

Wonderful - just a wonderful statement and entry and idea. Thank you for putting it into words.

Margie

This really nails the paradox of adoption. What are the answers? I don't know. All anyone living adoption can do is keep searching.

happymomof2

Thank you! I needed that post. Finally I found someone in the adoption community who thinks like I do! THis post brought tears to my eyes.

Kohana

Thanks for stopping by and reading!

Kohana

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