Transition

When a woman is in labor, giving birth to a new life, transition is often the hardest part. The contractions go from spaced and predictable, to intense and accelerated. The feeling of being out of control as the labor shifts into the stage that will bring out life, is the hardest part for many women. 

It is in transition that you see women shouting in the movies. It is in transition that many women change their mind "no, the baby is not coming out, I can't do this!" On the other side of transition is delivery; life.

It only dawned on me today that my life will undergo a radical shift in the next two weeks.

1. Baby is scheduled to move to permanent care with a family member. We meet tomorrow to plan the transition.

2. Our very lovely and helpful friends that have been staying with us upon re-entry to Sydney will be moving out.

3. Sprout will join Small Sun at school.

4. Finch will be potty trained (he's halfway there).

I will go from having six people here with me during every day to having one.

I will go from a dizzying ping-pong game of nappy changes and potty accident clean-ups to the occasional undie-fail. 

I will go from feeding a crowd each meal, all day long, to packing lunches and eating quietly with one two year old.

And if Finch gets a spot at preschool in May when he turns three, well I'll be completely on my own several days a week.

Part of this scenario makes me want to put on a party dress and do a little dance. Alone time? Quiet? Meeting friends for coffee? Bring it!

I have spent this year as the frazzled friend, showing up at play dates with more than appropriate numbers of children, collapsing onto couches and nursing cup after cup of tea. The idea of replacing frazzled with some other adjective to describe the state of my life is alluring. Alluring...that sounds nice.

Yet, suddenly I wonder, what will I do? I know I will want to jump into lots of creative projects on the house, and garden, and design and sew some clothes, which means I will want to spend lots of money. Only one kid to drag to stores? Shopping! The budget will love me.

I don't really know what will happen next, and what to expect. Will I love it? Will I hate the lack of color a houseful of people and creative children creates?

I guess it is only temporary as we'll probably take another foster care placement later this year, and continue to pursue adopting a sibling group. I should probably enjoy it while it lasts!

What about you, what would you dream of doing with a windfall of quiet(er) time?

PS- I'm completely ignoring the "they're growing up too fast" aspect of this situation. I'll cry over that a little bit later, I'm sure.

 

 

Comments

[lillianb]

this reminds me a little of when small sun was a newborn. "what on earth should i DO all day?" you asked!

then...you realized that you had plenty to fill the days with soon enough. i think you will fill your days still, and color will still be there. :)