Sometimes the biggest moments in life come as surprises, changing everything in a blink.
Not long ago a letter arrived in the mail. A letter from Small Sun's first dad.
We have never had any contact with Small Sun's dad. I won't go into how or why on the internet, but we just didn't. Actually, we have known so little about him, we haven't had much to satisfy Small Sun's growing curiosity.
Now, out of the blue, Small Sun's first dad knows our full names and adress, and has initiated contact. We have made every effort to make ourselves available, should contact with him ever be an option but we didn't know if it ever would be, and the decision was out of our hands.
To be honest, I am having trouble processing this turn of events. It is also rocking Small Sun in a pretty significant way.
Not only has his fictitious image of his first dad just been confronted with a real first dad, he is also processing some details about his placement and first family situation that we didn't anticipate him knowing until later on. When the letter showed up and he started asking questions, we decided to answer him honestly, and go from there.
Small Sun is seven and a half. Aside from developmental readiness, how do you ever know when your child can handle intense life experiences? Naturally, he is imagining a future that heavily involves his first dad. He imagines us all living together somehow, and his first family forming a cohesive unit that does not exist in reality.
He presses us, eagerly, and often, about when and how we will spend time with his first dad. When can he come to our house? Can they go biking together?
Our relationship with Small Sun's first mom is built on history and mutual trust. We don't have a relationship with his first dad. I was actually shocked that he contacted us directly instead of through the agency somehow.
I don't know how to convey to Small Sun how much we support him knowing his first dad, but that he is also essentially a stranger that we have to get to know over time. It's not like we will just drop him off for a father-son camping trip at the first opportunity.
I also struggle with parts of the letter, and the way I feel personally when I read them.
There are just so many dynamics of the situation that are extremely challenging. Again, details I won't outline here, so you'll just have to take my word for it.
Small Sun has a caring, devoted, and amazing father - The Captain. At the same time he carries the wounded heart of a child who was abandoned by his dad. It is a bizarre combination to see in a person. He idolizes and admires and loves The Captain, but I know he identifies with his first dad in a very deep way.
We are doing our best to walk him through this season, processing new information, and working towards a future relationship, but it is all so new and surprising. We're trying to walk things out well, nurturing Small Sun and honoring his first family, and it is not an easy task.