A real benefit of making these massive moves to new places where no one knows you, yet, is that each one can act as a kind of reset button, an opportunity to remake yourself in ways you want to change. Instead of coming across as flaky, or unstable, you just pop out the other end of the plane different.
You can start wearing lipstick when you never did, or go vegan, or gain or lose weight, or whatever, and neither the people you're leaving or the people you're meeting really know that there has been a change.
I've decided that I want to learn to can and preserve. I want to be one of those dear ladies selling handmade jams at markets. I intend to become that jam lady here in Houston.
On a deeper note, I want to become a joyful person.
Today I was reading on Hidden Cupcakes. Do you read Tracey? She's so fabulous. An elegant and creative mother of five boys (through transracial adoption and birth). I pulled this line from her blog and it is ringing in my heart.
"It wasn't how we had pictured it, but we celebrated."
I grew up dealing with so much fear. It wasn't really until I met and married The Captain that it began to melt away. The knots relaxed in my stomach, and for the first time I slept on my back, peaceful in vulnerability.
Over the years new fears have crept in, and the old ones resurface. More than anyone I know, The Captain lives fear free, confident and assured. I want to live that way.
Some people see the glass as half empty or half full. My personality tends to analyze the contents of the glass into oblivion. Things may be good now but just wait until XYZ and they'll be so much better. There is always something beyond my grasp, something that could go wrong, something that I'm worried about. I don't want to keep living that way.
We are in the middle of what is a legitimately scary and massive situation. I have every right to curl up in fear. But I'm new here, and this seems to be as good a time as any to change. I want to live out of a place of joy.
I don't really know how to do that, to be honest. I know how to focus on the little things and find joy in them, but I want it to go deeper, broader, and grow more solid. I want joy to be the platform on which I stand, and the foundation under everything.
I want to live life celebrating, all along the way, in the midst of trials, and not only when we have overcome them.
I want a joy makeover, and who knows, I might try lipstick too.