Growing Family

Call me Crazy, Call me Genius!

It is 10:44 am and I have

Fed the Sprout

Given the Sprout her first tub bath (she's been spitting up a lot and usually her trajectory includes all of me and none of her but this morning she wasn't so lucky).

Put the Sprout to sleep

Scrubbed the bathroom, including the tub and the floor (on my hands and knees)

Given Small Sun a bath

Fed Small Sun

Put Small Sun to bed

Eaten breakfast

Brushed my teeth and washed my face

Removed my cool spit up pants and put on other pants (some days I only get as far as taking off the spit up pants)

Swept and washed the kitchen floor

Filled up the fountain outside (the birds are drinking it dry)

Emptied some trashes (trashes? I like that better than trash)

Yup, that's it. I'm pretty amazing, right? I've still got other things on my to do list but I wouldn't disappoint myself if this is what I accomplished today. Of course I still need to serve up about ten meals, on the plate and from the boob...so before that starts again I'll go take a nap!

For This I Give Thanks

Yesterday we had brunch with The Captain's father, visiting from his home in Kosovo, and his sister and brother-in-law. I didn't realize how much a part of my routine an 11 o'clock nap has become until the hour came and I began rubbing my eyes. Good thing they let me curl up on the couch for a bit. We stuffed ourselves with Dutch treats, which Pap (Grandpa) had brought in his suitcase. Small Son wants to be held a lot these days and The Captain had his hands full.

And yes, I know that The Sprout is wearing boy's clothes, but they are so cute and Small Sun only wore that sleeper a couple times before he outgrew it. I had to see it some more. :)

After that we continued on to a friend's house for A Friend's Thanksgiving. There we celebrated with people I've known for almost 15 years - my oldest friends. Of course the people attached to the friends change and grow over time. Now there are spouses and children and in-laws and dates. These relationships have shifted and changed, waxed and waned, but it was really nice to spend Thanksgiving with people I have history with. And it was wonderfully gezellig which is a quality much sought out in Dutch culture. Our closest English approximation would be warm, cozy, or pleasant. The table was beautifully set, the food was abundant and amazing.

My whole family is in Pennsylvania but we opted not to travel so soon after The Sprout's arrival. I've been missing my family terribly though, as I only get to see my siblings a couple times a year. Good thing they're coming for Christmas and that's only a couple weeks away.

So, a day delayed but still so relevant, here are some things I am thankful for:

My brother the human rights activist who never lets Thanksgiving pass without talking about how it is all a farce and that the pilgrims wiped out the First Nations tribes with disease and massacres.

Giving birth in an excellent hospital with amazing surgeons who put me back together after The Sprout blazed her own trail out.

Thanksgiving and Christmas - the two days a year I eat meat - white turkey meat that is dry and tasty.

My beautiful kids, the big one who has been wearing a complete face mask of snot for weeks, and the little one whose skin is so white and sensitive that every little flush and bump and scratch stands out.

Dutch sweets - they know how to make them! And Indonesian food, via the Dutch colonies, which is delicious.

Friends - several years ago I had a birthday party and only two people showed up: after having The Sprout we're receiving three weeks worth of meals from friends. A lot has changed in my life in the last few years.

Documents - having nearly all the ones necessary to apply for our visas.

Breasts - I can't believe I can just feed this baby on them and she doesn't need anything else - amazing!

The Captain, chocolate, stable finances, the privilege of being born in the west but traveling outside of it, music, art, and sleep. I give thanks for all of these things and more. I am extremely thankful that we are well, we are happy, our life is rich.

 

ps- the layout of text to photos is totally screwed up here but I haven't been able to straighten it out. For this I am not thankful, just fyi.

Growing the Fro

Small Sun has gorgeous hair. It is soft and curly and shiny. I wish it was mine. We didn't cut it until after his first birthday and then cut it a lot after that since it grows so quickly. Over the summer I took him to the salon and had them cut it pretty short because it was HOT and he was HOT. Now that it's cool weather we're letting it grow...and grow...and grow. Who knows how long we'll let it get?

Afrindiemum is an advocate for natural hair. I'm with her. As far as styling goes, Small Son's hair is too soft to hold any style for long so up till now I've just let it be. In the future I might learn to braid it or something but right now I think it's too fine. Since it's been growing out I've noticed that he now has three curl textures in his hair: he has big soft curls, tiny pencil size curls growing underneath, and the back is still mostly wavy with a few curls tucked in here and there. What do you do with three different hair textures on the same head?  I wonder if the tight, small curls are going to replace everything?  I love his hair. 

Edited to Remove Photos

Soaphawk

Curls Galore

The current do

I didn't Know

That a nursing pad can slip out of place, leaving you unprotected when your baby starts crying for lunch and your breast says "coming right up"! This can be especially awkward if you're wearing "real clothes" because it's your first day on your own with your two kids and you're trying to make a good impression on the universe (and the staff at playschool where you drop your son off). Thankfully the leak incident happened at home - whew, that was close. It's the first lesson I've learned on my first day on my own.

Fighting the Funk

Small Sun is running away from Papa laughing, his little naked knees fleeing his fleecy PJ's. The Sprout has a belly full of milk and is sleeping contentedly in her bouncy seat. The Captain is doing all the work to put Small Sun to bed. I only need supply a kiss. Delicious dinner was brought by a friend and has been eaten, savored, and cleared. There is nothing I need do at the moment but fight the funk. And so here I am.

I've been in the house for nearly two weeks straight. I went out once to the pediatrician to have a nurse watch us breastfeed and give us tips. Then I had a fun visit to the midwives' office to have them check my stitches. I cried the whole time. So needless to say, my only outings weren't fun filled adventures. It's been raining most of this week so I didn't even get to go sit outside. So even though friends come and bring dinner (and with them some relief from the solitude), and my mom has been here, I still feel lonely...and trapped.

I know that there are all these post partum hormones haranguing me. I know that my thinking is clouded. How can I feel lonely when we are having three weeks of meals supplied by friends? That's a lot of friends - a lot of support. Well I don't know, but I just am. I thought maybe coming here would help.

My parents leave tomorrow to go to Pennsylvania for my mother's family's annual Thanksgiving celebration. I have something like 38 cousins on that side. My brother and his family are going from San Diego, and my sister is going down from Boston. We usually go every year as well. We make fresh cider at Bauman's and my grandpa gets his milk fresh from a local dairy farm. It's a week spent in a simple life filled with visiting relatives, all ultra conservatives.

We're going to a friend's for Thanksgiving this year. The Captain's dad comes in this week to see the new baby. I'll be on my own this week. It's the start of real life with two kids. I hope I can manage. I can manage.

I tried on a pair of pre-pregnancy pants today. About four inches between the button and the eye. I can get rid of that four inches.

My engagement ring finally fits again. The Dutch don't give engagement rings. They give wedding rings when they get engaged. You wear your wedding ring on your left hand until you get married when you switch it to your right hand - unless you're Catholic and then I think the whole thing is reversed. Anyway, I have a very simple ring which is the blending of our two cultures. I really missed it when it wouldn't fit.

What else do I want to say? Going to bed at 9 p.m. is the best thing ever. I thought staying up until 10/11:00 so I didn't have to wake up for that feeding would be best but I tried just going to sleep early and it was awesome! I wish it was 9:30 now. I can't really justify going to bed at 7:30...then again, I never got a nap today. So there you have it: I have such a headache I can't write anything interesting, it's too early to go to bed, I'm exhausted and rather lonely. Well, there's always tomorrow.

One Week

The Sprout is one week old and I just figured out that I actually can sit on the computer chair. :) So I'll whip out a quick post. The Captain asked me today if we'd gotten any more comments on "our blog" so I figure I better get back on here before he commandeers it! I let him post one time...

Recovery is slow (read booty pain) but steady. Breastfeeding is going well. Small Son is...okay. As good as can be expected, I guess. Cheerful and kissing the Sprout one minute and falling down crying the next. He's full of drama any day and this is just helping him pull out all the stops for a good show. My mom's been here all week feeding me fresh made squash soup, bulgar and other grains you've never heard of, along with all the fresh juice (prune included) I can take. She's home for the weekend flirting with my dad but she stayed in Small Son's room all this week, waking up to snuggle and play with him at the indecent hours he's been waking up. So I told you my mom is awesome right?

Other family news: check out this month's Adoptive Families Magazine to see Small Son as the cutest kid Grand Prize winner in the candid photo contest. Yahoo!

(In my best award winning voice, the camera zooms in) I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who made this possible. There's so many, and I don't want to leave anyone out. But especially a big thanks for the Captain for making this event possible. A big thanks to my mom - I love you mom (looking into the camera) - thanks to my girl Lillian B for coordinating our friends and making them cook for us, and thanks to all our friends for filling our bellies with your delicious recipies and carry out. A special shout out to my girl Andrea, down under. I'm eating your pizza tonight! Both kids are sleeping and the Captain's picking up a movie. It feels like we might be getting back onto our own 2 8 feet. We couldn't have done it without you! (And for any of you actually visualizing this event, I am looking gorgeous in an empire waist silk gown clasped with a long ribbon and diamond clasp, courtesy Peter Som , a girl can dream right?)

And now what I know you all want - more pictures! (And sster, I look semi decent in the first picture the Captain posted because it was 24 hours after delivery. Don't worry, I have one of those pale faced, glassy eyed, double chin, sweaty, hair askew pictures proving that yes, I did, indeed push that baby out of my vagina!)

Edited to remove photos

Sprout has Sprung

This is the Captain speaking. . .

" I would like to inform you that Kohana will not be posting in the next couple of days. There is no reason to panic. She will return to her (semi) regular posting schedule soon. "

Kohana is currently feeding our Sprout. She asked me to post and share the latest news. The big news, of course, is that the waiting was not indefinite, and nature did take its course. Millions of (C₂)arbon atoms aligned themselves and greedily grabbed all the (N₂)itrogen, (O₂)xygen, and (H₂)ydrogen they could get their hands on. They got organized and got together in Molecules, Amino Acids, Cells, Organs and then Sprout herself. Then they got restless and secreted the pitocin and labor did occur. Like a hurricane rolling in off the gulf, labor is an inevitability that you know about; affirmed by the radar images. Then it starts slowly, and it could still be the Thai food. But the night turns to day and the labor is definite. The most difficult decision is then, when to leave the comfort of your own surroundings.

Kohana became as an atom herself, in an organism worth 1.6 trillion dollars of our national GDP each year. As much as she was joined to the organism, she surely was a free radical with in it. Delivering Sprout without an IV, Drugs, Forceps or other machinations. "The most peaceful natural child-birth in years" ; said Vanessa, the stoic L&D nurse.

And now we're back home in our little small housey. The hurricane swept past, it's still raining, and the storm surge is in the bay. Now the earth smells fre sh and a new era has started.

We're now a four-person family.

Eerily Similar

It has been interesting to experience pregnancy after adopting our first child. I often wondered how the two experiences would be similar and how they would differ. I won't really know until farther down the road but I've already been experiencing one similarity I didn't expect. Stop me if I've talked about this before - pregnancy brain and all.

So I know that I mentioned that when the Sprout didn't come on the day I thought she would I had this uneasy feeling that she might not be coming at all. She might stay in utero forever (and then I could be in the tabloids "Woman pregnant for 20 years with alien baby") or she may just dissolve into nothingness - a dream, a phantasm. I wondered if she had changed her mind about being born. Anyway, I know it's irrational but sometimes I don't feel CERTAIN that she will be born. I keep asking the Captain to assure me, yes there is a baby in your body and she will be coming out soon.

When we were waiting for Small Son to be born it was so intense. We had met his mother and she had told us that she wanted us to be his parents. So there was already a sense of ownership, of responsibility for his little life. We prayed for him, we prepared for him, and yet we tried to hold our hands open because he still wasn't actually ours. The last couple of weeks of waiting for him to be born were tortuous. Then there were false alarms with labor. Our bags were packed, we were ready to go, and the waiting was horrid.

So now we're basically back there again. And I know that this baby is ours, but somehow there is still an indefinite feeling. Maybe until you've birthed a child it's hard to connect the unseen being in the womb with the child you will soon be holding? I just can't believe how similar these two experiences are for me. Do I feel uncertain because the only way I've brought a child into my life has held the possibility of falling through at the last minute? Maybe it will always feel this way, even in the future when we're waiting for permission to travel to another country to bring home a child that we've already begun to love and parent from afar.

The days keep passing and each time I wake up in the night I realize it's just to pee,  and that I'm not in labor.  In the morning I stretch and feel the air and either tell her "it's a good day to be born" or I don't suggest it, depending on the feeling. When I fall asleep I think "maybe tonight it will happen" and then...well I wake up to pee. Sometimes I jump when my cell phone rings and it's my doula. I can't wait for her to tell me whether or not I'm in labor...I think I must have her mixed up with our social worker telling me whether or not Small Son's mother is in labor. It's all so mixed-ed up. Well, one thing I do know, I know what a tiny little baby is like and how they are lighter than light, yet still make your arms ache from holding them. I know about umbilical cords and newborn poop and night feedings. I'm sure when the Sprout gets here I'll recognize her as mine, the way I did Small Son when it all became official and we took him home to our hotel and his tiny fingers and toes became mine for the gazing.

A Bum Wrap

Waiting for baby seemed to be a great time to jump into cloth diapering. I want to do cloth diapers with the Sprout so I bought sizes to fit Small Son, thinking I could get into the swing with him to prepare me for her. I have some Happy Heineys and some new and used Fuzzibunz. I thought that pocket diapers were the top of convenience these days. It wasn't until after I'd purchased them that I found out about the all in one diapers by Bum Genius. They look awesome.

Anyhow, so far cloth diapering is not working AT ALL. The first day I did two cloth diapers in the mix of disposables. Both soaked all the way through EVERYTHING. Today I'm giving it another go around and twice, SOAKED. I thought my mistake the other day was leaving them on too long so today I changed them much more frequently...or I was going to when I saw the wet pants walking around. What is the deal? Why isn't this working? The moisture is soaking right through the "waterproof" outer of both kinds of diapers. I mean, they are drenched. How is that possible if they are waterproof? One thing is certain, I am starting to admire the amount my son pees. I'm pretty sure it's more than he drinks. Those disposables with the gel inside don't really convey the true amount of liquid.

They say that when there's a poopy diaper you just "shake it off into the toilet" - voila! I think I even heard some asinine phrase like "with a flick of the wrist" or something like that. Well today I'm sitting there with rubber gloves scrubbing some nasty poop in the toilet. I had to flush again to get some clean water going after it gunked up the first bowl. THEN I had to clean out the brush that was all stuck with kidney bean skins! Why do people do this? I know disposables take, like, five billion years to decompose in the landfills but at this point I think I'd happily dig a hole in my backyard and start shoving them in! I'm not giving up yet but so far I think I'd be just as well off wrapping a towel around Small Son's waist. Any advice?

Oh, and yea, still pregnant.