For the last week or two The Captain and I have spent our nights together in the living room, each immersed in reading. I'm trying to catch up and keep up with blogs, he just started Infidel. I began to feel disconnected, each in our own separate spheres, bobbing in the living room.
It was only last night that I realized I am venturing deeper and deeper into the ideas of anti-racism and adoption reform, only to look by my side for my trusted partner, to find myself alone. I confronted The Captain, standing over him accusingly as he struggled to read in peace. "Don't you care about the racism in our country (for it is his country too now)? We're raising a child who belongs to a race that is routinely discriminated against!" I struggled against his calm.
He told me "whatever chip that you have that sees racism and wants to attack it, I don't have that chip. I'm just not wired that way." My instinct was to accuse him of not caring, of swimming in white privilege that gives him the ability to not care. But, upon a moment's reflection, I know that is not true. Something else is at play here.
The Captain is European. Dutch. He went to college in Amsterdam. He grew up in an international family, doing international things. He is not saddled with the history of our country. Though he has become a citizen, our roots, so compromised with corruption, aren't his roots. I guess he could worry about whether or not his ancestors were part of the slave trade, but he doesn't. That's not who he is.
He has an indomitable optimism. A clear eye for beauty and truth. I'm glad that as I'm raking around in this muck he is standing tall, breathing in the wind, and holding my hand tightly.
I'd really like to know what it is like for all you other bloggers (who are all women on my blogroll, incidentally)? Does the person that you share your life with share your passion for the cause you blog about? If not, how do they relate to your passion? Does it alienate you from each other?
I'm heading off for a long weekend of bathing in lakes, playing in dappled woods, and laughing with my children and several generations of my people. The freckled Irish and dark-eyed french that brought me to where I am.
Brett is a much quieter personality than I am -- emotionally as well as literally. So he doesn't have the same knee-jerk, tear-drenched passion I have for things BUT he supports me in my passions. I kinda figure that I couldn't live the way I live without having a solid, comforting anchor and he does that for me but yes, I do sometimes get frustrated when I want him to be as angry as I am and he just wants to support *me* in my anger.
Posted by: dawn | 27 June 2007 at 04:31 PM
We do share some similar passions. Most of the things I write about are things we're also discussing. One thing that is interesting to me is that we've come to a lot of similar positions via very different routes. T is a heart-person, while I'm more of a head-person. So he relies on his experiences and feelings to guide him to what is "right," while I rely on reading and pondering. That sometimes distances us, even though we agree on the end point. I seem dispassionate to him.
Posted by: HeatherS | 27 June 2007 at 11:41 PM
I am further into the adoption reform movement than the sailor is. We both believe in adoption reform, but I think I see more problems in it, and want to see more women parent than he does.
I'm also passionate about human slave trafficking and, he supports that, but doesn't really get involved at all.
Posted by: erinthebeekeeper | 28 June 2007 at 10:04 PM
This sparked some great discussion between me and my captain (Sally F and I actually call him that!) I had no idea that where we live is not as comfortable for him as it is for me until reading this post together and talking about it. He says that he believes I hear from God and wants to honor what's in my heart and what's stirring in me, so he makes decisions that will line up with my values and passions, but they're not always comfortable for him. I was a little shocked, but glad to know where he is emotionally. I love that he believes in me and supports me in my deep desires to be close to those who are hurting so that I can at least pray for them by name.
Posted by: Lori | 09 July 2007 at 12:11 AM