The Sprout is Weaning Herself

And I am soaking my pillow with tears.

I remember when Small Sun had his 9 month checkup and the pediatrician said "it'll soon be time to switch from formula in a bottle to milk in a sippy cup". I LOVED giving Small Sun his bottles. Nursing or bottles, feeding is such a sweet and special time. It is so bonding.

I went home and calculated how many more bottle feedings I had with Small Sun, determined to treasure each one. Somehow, after I calculated, the experience kind of lost its glow and by the time we switched to sippies of milk, I was fine with it. He wanted to hold his own bottle. He was so active. He was ready to move on.

The only good and full nurse the Sprout is taking these days is her morning feed. And today I was in competition with her brother playing drums on a cardboard box. The only way I got her to finish eating was to sit her up and nurse her where she could also watch her brother's show. When I try to nurse her lying down, which is my favorite snuggle time, she starts crawling all over the bed and when I try to pull her back in, she wriggles away.

She won't nurse before bed at all, which used to be our end of day snuggle time.

By the time my day is winding down and the kids are in bed, my br*easts are full of undrunk milk and my heart is heavy and sad.

Last night the Captain asked me "don't you remember when Small Sun was this age and we'd try to take him into our bed to snuggle in the morning, but instead he's crawl all over our heads and try to reach the radio?" I didn't. I'd totally forgotten. Because in parenting infants, the only reality is the one that is happening RIGHT NOW. Big picture? My big picture extends about an hour in either direction of where I am.

I wanted to nurse the Sprout until she was a year old. That's two and a half months away. I guess she's on a different time frame. I'm hoping that now that I've acknowledged what is happening - she wants food more than to nurse - it will be like Small Sun and the bottles. I'll experience the sadness and then embrace the little person she is right now: active, busy, strong, and sometimes snuggly.

Comments

[Lori]

"By the time my day is winding down and the kids are in bed, my br*easts are full of undrunk milk and my heart is heavy and sad." This part brought tears to my eyes. I hadn't thought of it like that. I, too, love my cuddle time with the Peanut. I never let Judah hold his own bottle because it was an excuse to get him to sit in my lap and hold him until he finished. As tired as I am, as worn out as I get, as often as I cry. . .I love it so much. These two precious children are such amazing creatures. I pray that the transition will be bearable for you. Oh, I don't want to think about it at all.