When you are trying to clean your house does it ever seem like you're just rearranging the mess? Dirty clothes get cleaned, dry clothes go on the kitchen table - to be folded, then moved to my bed - to be folded, to make room for lunch on the table. The dishes pile up in the sink waiting for the dishwasher to finish. Clothes hang limp on the line: there is hardly any wind.
In my bedroom, which is the place we have sworn no toys may invade, the dresser supports a stack of children's books (put there after they were weeded out of the overflowing book basket), two boxes of nursing pads (which I'm no longer using), outgrown baby clothes, an elephant, a bag of knit baby hats, and a bin of clean laundry. Lining the walls are an exersaucer, two child-sized chairs (taken from the kid's room to keep Small Sun from pestering The Sprout in the morning), a huge box of diapers (really, like over 200 diapers), a basket of toys, and most annoying of all - the hood from our stove.
I crave neatness and order. Somehow as we become more and more cramped and I try to keep clutter out of the kitchen and living room, things keep migrating to MY room.
We just got back from a wonderful trip to South Bend to see my brother and his wife and daughter. After living in an apartment for several years and his in-laws house for a couple months, they are settled into a largish, beautiful home with tons of character and warmth. I honestly don't know whether I am envious or not. I know I love their house, and I love being surrounded by their "stuff" which is all so personal. Art and photographs and shelves and shelves of books I'd like to read.
Every time we take a trip I think about moving. In every place we visit I cast my eyes around wondering, could I make a life here? Do I find anything here that draws me? From Paducah, Kentucky to Bitez, Turkey, I've been looking for a place to make my home.
It really is a big gamble to pack and move across the world, with two kids and no return ticket. If I haven't found anywhere to my liking in all the cities I've seen, in 17 countries, what makes me think Sydney will be magic? Actually, I'm not imagining that it will be.
I've been looking at real estate on line. That's what I do. I look at houses and try to imagine myself, and our family in them. I study the market, I try to understand the neighborhoods. The market in Sydney is EXPENSIVE and it is pretty realistic that they house I want, we probably can't afford there. We could probably afford some kind of really modern condo, which on one hand, I would love. On the other hand, landscaping and gardening are such grounding activities for me. I was really counting on them to tie me to the new country, the new life. I was counting on being able to occupy my time with learning the indigenous plants, and the soil and climate conditions. I was looking forward to building a relationship with earth there, and clearing out a space to put down roots.
I think about moving all the time. I wonder what day they're currently processing. I wonder how heavy of a coat I'll need. I wonder how I'll make friends. I wonder how long we'll stay before we move on to somewhere else. I wonder where that will be. I wonder how we'll adopt, and how we'll create continuity for our children if we keep moving. I wonder if I'll be able to smell the sea from my windows. I wonder if I'll ever learn to drive on the left side of the road. I wonder if we'll ever get there?
ps-And yes, I'll be blogging the whole thing.
I just read somewhere (on a blog of course) if you remove anything that is not a USABLE item from your kitchen it will help with the cluttered look. I am so doing this. STARTING TOMORROW!!! Love your blog...keep it coming! Oh, did I tell you we started filling out our preliminary paperwork for adoption?
Posted by: Tamara Cosby | 25 September 2007 at 10:59 PM
I keep baby clothes marked with sizes in big bins, this makes it easier to move to the next size up and reduces clutter as well! This place is my favorite for some really cute clothes! http://www.sandboxcouture.com
Posted by: Sarah | 26 September 2007 at 12:34 AM