More Centered, Finding Calm

I feel badly for spilling my emotions all over the place, here. I know that you all probably want to hear all the confirmations that this was a good choice, to come here, and all the adventures we're having. These is plenty of that going on, as well!

A friend here lent me a "cultural training" curriculum for expatriates moving to Australia. In the section discussing culture shock it describes the effect of culture shock on the body, saying that when everything in your environment is new and you are processing new information, constantly, every day, it physically exhausts the body. From sending a letter to attending a party, everything is just different enough that you can never completely rely on your previous experience. It is tiring, and I felt comforted to know that I am experiencing a very normal part of a move of this scale. Also, that it will pass, and things will require less effort in the future.

In our service on Sunday the teacher spoke about finding the quiet place, where we hear truth, feel peace, and find bravery to walk in strength through our days. Hearing that was so restorative to my peace. Also on Sunday, a friend here who is growing more dear by the minute, called to ask us out to afternoon tea. We bundled up in our scarves and coats (so glad they finally arrived!) and met them at a nearby bakery/cafe for a hot drink before we turned the kids out of doors to play at the park. My new friend shared her vulnerability and fears with me, and I am so thankful for a friend that is going below the surface. The mens got along well too, and are meeting for lunch as they work close to each other, in the financial district, downtown.

My continued exploration into expatriate adoption is a big contributer to my stress levels! After getting close to nowhere talking to agencies, I set up an appointment with an Australian immigration lawyer for next week, spoke to the Consulate here in Sydney, and spoke to someone at USCIS (U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services). It's a bit of a game of hot potato, everyone says that what I am inquiring about isn't under their jurisdiction and hands me off to someone else, who in turn hands me to someone else! Each immigration authority points at the other, saying "it's their issue, you'll have to take it up with them!" No wonder the agencies don't have a clue.

So hopefully, after seeking legal council and hearing back from the detailed inquiry I submitted to the Consulate, I'll have a clearer picture. May I just say, I can't believe how much time and effort (and stress!) I have put into this process, before even submitting an application! It's hard to imagine having the energy to follow through an adoption process, which may involve preparing a dossier (gathering documents from abroad), coordinating the legal systems of three governments, and time spent in the U.S. Not to mention the emotional experience of adoption.

On Saturday, on the park bench, I was asking God "do I keep pushing on this, or do I let it go?" I was miffed when He said "both". I saw a pictures of pushing on the wind, like I do with my arm out of the car window. I saw that when you open your hands and let go, that doesn't mean that the surface you are pushing disappears. Sometimes it moves and you just keep pushing, open-handed.

Lately, a lot of my guidance from God has been puzzling. So I'm puzzling over it, waiting for the clarity to develop.

When people ask me why we've moved here, I sometimes feel foolish trying to explain what we want out of this transition. But foolish or not, I think we heard right. I think we're in the right place. And who was it that said, "sometimes you have a tough year and then a good future". We feel like this might be a tough year. However, even at the low points so far, it has been incredibly grace-filled.

So, here's to open hands, pushing on who knows what and stepping out, into the invisible. May the housing market and the immigration and adoption authorities smile on me!