The Closer

So, I'm a fan of the show The Closer but this week's episode really upset me. It's a murder investigation show and this week the victim was a 13 year old adoptee from Russia. Spoiler alert, be warned.

The character displayed all the "classic" symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder, the prize-winner of potentially scary developments in adopting a child that has experienced trauma. To me, RAD is my greatest fear when I consider adopting older children, though children adopted quite young can go on to exhibit symptoms (and it certainly isn't confined to children that are adopted). I think most adoptive parents, and probably the general public, can think of some horrible situation they've heard about where a family adopted children that wreaked havoc and violence in the home. It is a truly scary disorder.

The case is resolved when the investigator maneuvers the parents into confessing to the murder of their son. The father admits that after the first blow, he was overwhelmed by his feelings that the boy "wasn't mine, he wasn't from me" or something like that. The mother wept that the boy was so horrible, they were so trapped.*

To me, the truly unfortunate conclusion of the episode was that the main character, along with her partner, have a discussion about buying a house that will accommodate children in the future, or not. She votes against the larger house, and by extension, children. Perhaps I am reading too much into it, but as the character is at the end of her potential childbearing years, (they have explored her entering menopause in previous episodes) the message came across loud and clear: if adoption is our option for children, and adoption includes the possibility for a child with RAD, better go without children rather than risk that possibility.

So, from my perspective, not only did the writers prey on adoptees and their loss and pain for cheap tv thrills, they also played into parent's greatest fears when considering adoption. I am disappointed in the show, and am pained for any people experiencing adoption who see it, not to mention the general public who doesn't need any more fear-mongering when it comes to adoption.

*I am a huge advocate of special families for special children, as I think Jae Ran Kim phrased it. Many adoption agencies don't have any special requirements for families adopting children with special parenting needs (older children, children with disabilities, children that have experienced significant trauma, siblings groups), and adopting families are often under prepared and lack the resources and support necessary to contribute to the success of placement. Both the children and the parents are ill-served when they enter an adoption without training or resources and I think agencies can do so much better to minimize the stress and difficulty these placements can entail.

Comments

[Dee]

I saw a post on adoption.com about this episode and I was appalled. This sort of thing influences people negatively, and it may even be shown in Russia, where a lot of officials are trying to stop foreign adoptions.

I adopted a 13 year old girl from Russia 4 years ago. She is the light of my life, along with her 12 year old brother I adopted from Kazakhstan last year. Do they have issues? Yes. Normal kid issues and a few special ones. However, they are sweet, smart, funny kids, and they have thrived in my care. My daughter is in therapy to resolve issues related to severe neglect with her birthmom for 6 years, and abuse and neglect at the orphanage for another 6 years. She is making amazing progress.

I SO wish I could influence more people to adopt older children. The thought of my kids left in orphanages makes me want to cry.

Shame on The Closer! I already hated Kyra's fake accent in that show.
Dee