Why do half of the stories about strangers asking stupid questions, occur in grocery checkout lines? There must be a bizarre aura emitted from the scanner, that addles people into saying strange things.
Today, the checkout lady asked (as they frequently do), "Is he your son?" (sometimes it's "are they both your children?). I smiled and nodded, absentmindedly, emitting my "I am not interested in discussing my family with you, stranger" vibe.
She watched us for awhile, over the bags, before saying "he looks like his father, and she looks like you." Okay lady, whatever floats your boat. Again, the absentminded nod and smile. If that's what makes the most sense to her when she sees my brown skin-hair-eyed boy and my blond-blue-pale daughter, well cheerio.
I've actually heard that one before. I always acquiesce. My children do look like me and their father, and I feel no need to clarify that the father my son looks like is not the father my daughter looks like. I am especially wary of the grocery line questions. There is no where to move off to, and nowhere to remove your child to when a stranger's questions start to make them squirm. If the "bug off" vibe doesn't work, or the silent treatment, a clear "mind your own business" is the last resort. Today, my lack of interest in her interest seemed to do the trick.
I am trying not to make a big deal out of how much people comment ALL the time on how much Cayden looks like his daddy. I mean he is literally a spitting image. He looks NOTHING like me at all. When we introduce our kids to someone the VERY FIRST thing they say is how much C looks like Aaron. It always happens.
I worry that as Deacon gets older he will resent this and wish he looked exactly like someone in our family. I have no idea how to handle it, b/c people are in NO WAY being mean or insensitive - they are just stating the obvious!
Funny though b/c Deacon does look like I could have birthed him. His first mom, J, and I look a lot a like and I have darker skin like Deacon too.
The one thing about the whole "he looks just like his dad thing" that makes me feel better is that in a few months Deacon won't be the only one in our family that looks like no one. Cayden will be the minority. :)
Posted by: Jamie Ivey | 26 August 2008 at 10:45 AM
I also always seem to get stopped at the grocery store with my daughter as well.
There have been two occaisons that really stand out to me.
The first time, an older african american woman stopped me, and wanted to touch my daughter's hair. It was one of those things where she did it before I could do or say anything. But, I did actually come away from this one feeling really good, she told me that my daughters hair was soft, and that I was obviously moisturizing it well, and that she was beautiful, which of course she is!
The second time, my daughter and I were going down an aisle at the store and we passed an african american woman and her daughter and son, we had maybe gotten about five feet from where they were standing and the little girl, about 7, says "Momma, what's that white lady doing with a black baby?" I really thought that it was pretty funny. I didn't get to hear the response that she made back to her daughter.
My oldest is my biological, at 16, and except for blue eyes is my almost mirror image. My AA husband and I adopted, our youngest at 13 months, last year, and she is also AA, she's 26 months now. My husband always likes to say that they both look like him. Especially when someone tells us how beautiful they are. Proud Papa.
Posted by: Kelly | 26 August 2008 at 12:18 PM