Growing Family

"Are Mixed-Race Children Better Adjusted?" - TIME

A quick and interesting article here .

27 Weeks

You may not know if from looking at me, but I am SO TIRED. Today marks the 8th day of activity without a quiet day home. I am the kind of person who likes to get out and see people - in spurts - with lots of time to recover in between. I am very social in that I love to be with people, but because I tend to really engage with the people and environment, I wear out quickly. Eight days with no "home day" is like a marathon for me.

To top off the social exhaustion, I am physically paying the price for hours of hard yard work yesterday. Our garden is a bit of a jungle, especially since it has been raining so much lately. Yesterday The Captain finally got to mow (a large garden with a push mower that keeps acting up), and that inspired me to get out and trim shrubs, edge walk ways, clear weeds, etc. There was a moment when I was on the top steps of a six foot ladder, fighting with a weed gigantic, loppers whacking away, where I felt a little dizzy and realized "this isn't smart, I should get down". The night ended with the two of us on the couch, completely worn out, but staying up late to watch a fascinating Dutch film "Twins". No wonder I'm tired this morning.

Then there's the little guy growing inside of me. He's the weight of a head of cauliflower now, and can't I feel it? Like a bowling ball hanging heavy.

I am getting REALLY excited about having this baby. I don't think I felt this way with The Sprout, most likely because physically having a baby was such an unknown, it was hard to connect the thing inside with an actual baby (even though I'd mothered a newborn already). This time I know what is coming and I can anticipate that sweet tiny baby mouth looking for a nurse. I think nursing is one thing I am really looking forward to. It is so amazingly beautiful.

This week is fairly busy, again, and we're leaving to go camping on Friday. I'm really looking forward to that, even though I'm a bit apprehensive about sleeping in an air mattress in a tent, when I'm starting to be uncomfortable in the bed. I just hope it's not really hot, or raining! But camping! In Australia! With a bunch of new friends! How fun is that? (Let's hope it's really fun.)

Oh, and the nesting is going well. I continue to hoard like a squirrel in fall-time. It's good, I'm getting ready. Unless this baby comes early, three months from today, he will be two days old. Wow. I just remembered that I saw down to write about my feelings and readiness in moving from two children to three children, but I guess I never got around to that? Next time, I guess.

Nesting, Nesting, and Nesting

Some women clean between their floorboards with a toothbrush when they are pregnant. My nesting is taking other forms, even though I wish fastidious cleaning would come upon me like a compulsion.

When we moved into this house in October, I was too sick to do a deep clean, or anything other than wipe things down and start unpacking. Now, at the end of my second trimester energy, I am suddenly nesting like crazy. I am hanging up pictures and unpacking knick-knacks, arranging and re-arranging, organizing, making messes and cleaning them up.

I am a very organized person. I am really driven to have everything sorted and organized before baby arrives, because I don't know how long it will be before I will be able to do it again. If there isn't a clear place for everything and hubby and kiddies are responsible for keeping it sorted...well, it's just better if everything is organized.

We are living in the largest house we've ever been in. We got rid of a lot of stuff when we moved, and even though we bought a lot upon arriving, we still need some key pieces to fill this place and make it homey. The cold and rainy weather makes me think of fall and winter, when we'll be cuddling in and the house needs to be a warm embrace from the blustery winds. Since I anticipate spending A LOT of time at home, post baby's birth, I want it to be a place I love. I do love the bones of this place, but like I said, it needs padding.

So the toothbrush-in-the-floorboards form of nesting for me looks like checking Craigslist, Gumtree (like Craigslist), Freecycle and Ebay, over and over again, all day long. I've driven all over picking things up (mostly free!), and feel like I'm always on the hunt. Last weekend one of my girlfriends took me antique/junk shopping. We spent the whole day in tiny shops filled with treasures, and had lunch in a great cafe in Newtown. Hot Pumpkin Risotto while the rain poured outside, and no children to look after or wanting to eat my food; it was a perfect day.

This week I realized that first my mother and then my mother-in-law will be coming to stay after baby arrives. So, not only does the house have to be cozy for me, but it needs to be perfect for them! My mom is the kind of person who will have the best bedding on the guest bed, with tiny bouquets of flowers on the pillows and towels in the bathroom. She is a serious hostess in the most wonderful way. So of course, I want to treat my mother the same! But I don't have a mattress cover or sheets that fit my Australian standard queen guest bed, or a wardrobe for the guest room. I'm trying to restrain myself to work on one room at a time, but I just want to do everything!

Then, the other manic obsession is collecting things for baby, as I got rid of most of my baby stuff before coming. My friends here are having a shower for me in April, but I am still trying to sort out most of the stuff on my own. I spend a really ridiculous amount of time thinking about the sling-stroller-carseat situation, as getting out and about is challenging here, let alone with three and a c-section recovery.

Last night I told the Captain "I wonder when my body will stop this nesting stuff, because it is really starting to wear me out!". And I haven't even gotten into the window of time where it makes sense to do the deep clean and start putting meals in the freezer! Maybe I'll slow down later, but right now I'm off to check Freecycle and to clean up the bookcase I picked up this morning (in the rain, by myself, big 'ole pregnant belly), and check the directions for the lamps I am buying tonight!

It's Raining and I'm Thinking of Holland

I realize I haven't written about Holland or the Dutch aspect of our family much, other than some pictures from Sinterklaas. A couple different things have me thinking in that direction lately, so if you'll indulge me in some puttering about that topic.

First of all, I'm seeing something of a transition in our children's bilingual language development. Small Sun can clearly distinguish now between Dutch and English. He will ask me "why did you say that in Dutch?" or ask me about words like "coleslaw", which is literally the Dutch word for cabbage, "kol" and the Dutch word for salad "sla". The Sprout is still in the stage that Small Sun used to be in, where she mixes Dutch and English together when she's talking, and doesn't have the awareness that they are two different languages. She prefers certain Dutch words, like Small Sun did at that stage, but English words make up the vast majority of her vocabulary.

The Captain has started using more complex Dutch, in talking to Small Sun, and sometimes Small Sun will ask clarifying questions if he doesn't understand a word or a concept. He is still very resistent to speaking Dutch and we've only just begun to insist he answer a question in Dutch, or repeat a phrase when asked. We feel that we've given him long enough to listen, and now we need to begin to encourage him to speak.

In the U.S., the Dutchness of our family was typically overlooked. Here where we are surrounded by so many other migrants, I think we are able to hold onto that part of our identity a bit more. I always identify our children as Dutch-American to new friends (when discussing where we've moved from, etc) and am trying to establish recognition for that part of our family identity, as equal to our American identity.

We are at the end of a straight week of rain here in Sydney. Last Sunday it was 40 (104) degrees. That evening the temperature dropped 30 Farenheit degrees and the rain started pouring. It has been steady in the low 70s(F) and wet ever since, and we're looking at another week of the same. This wet, grey, chilly weather during summer has got me thinking about Holland as well.

While we are not planning anything (and no relatives should put any stock in what I am about to write!), I have been thinking about living in Holland lately. I have always been more interested in moving back to Holland than The Captain, but we both have a number of concerns about living there. Lately I've been wondering how we can raise our children to really be Dutch-American as opposed to simply having a Dutch dad. The story we hear over and again here is people who can understand but not speak their parents' language...who enjoy their parents' food, but don't know how to cook the family recipes, etc. I am completely convinced that the best way to really know a language and culture is through immersion. I am starting to feel that despite our best efforts to preserve our Dutch heritage, without actually spending some time living in Holland, our children will have trouble operating in Dutch language and culture.

I've always felt a certain amount of concern when I've thought about taking Small Sun to live in Holland, where we might have difficulty finding an environment where he isn't isolated as a person of color. If you've ever travelled to Holland, I'm sure you've seen lovely people with nearly white blond hair and the bluest eyes. While there is a lot of diversity in Holland, there is also a lot of lovely creaminess! When I am in Holland I feel we blend fairly well in Amsterdam or Haarlem, but when we leave the big city centers, we start to really stand out.

It's only lately that I've begun to wonder if potential challenges in regards to being highly visible might be outweighed by the benefit of gaining the skill to operate effectively in a second language and culture? Every once in awhile I remember that the fact that our family was Dutch-American, intentionally bi-lingual, and planning on living abroad was one of the main things Small Sun's first mother said was important to her in choosing us. I get so focused on wondering how the transitions will affect Small Sun, that I forget that these opportunities were very important to her. So I've been wondering if we might spend some time in Holland after all, with the main focus being to really solidify Holland in our children's identities.*

Besides all that, I'm forgetting what real cheese tastes like! So, that's a bit of an update on the role that Holland is playing in our household, and conversations these days.

*I read (and heard first hand) from several adult adoptees how they so disliked being expected to embrace a culture that wasn't their's, and I think I accepted that to be true for all adoptees and assumed that Small Sun might not want to identify very much with Dutch heritage since he is not linked to it genetically. The shift that is happening in my thinking these days, is seeing connection to Dutch heritage as opportunities for him to grow as a whole person. Being comfortable in a second language and culture is a valuable thing. He is free to establish, and change, and change again, his identity as he grows. Being Dutch may or may not make the final cut into his adult identity, but along the way I hope he gains experiences and skills that contribute to his success and confidence in life.