Only six weeks and two days until we become a family of five. Time seems to be simultaneously hurtling forward, and dragging by. I am so eager to meet the new baby, and it seems like it is taking forever! But then each week I blink and the week is gone, eaten up in playgroup and play-dates and preschool and church meetings and errands and birthday parties and girl's nights and book clubs.
We bought a car seat on Saturday. The plan was to go peruse the options and then look for the favored model second hand, but after trying the only four "narrow" seats in the back of our wagon, and having only one fit where we can still close the door, we went ahead and bought it. Having a car seat sitting there, ready to go, well that feels like a big deal to me.
I thought that I would be more nervous about transitioning from two kids to three kids, but strangely, I am feeling completely calm. Now that we've got the birth plan (I'll lie still while the OB cuts the baby out), and the childcare (blessed in-laws coming to stay) worked out, I am significantly less stressed. Having three kids under four isn't worrying me at all.
Perhaps it is perspective? I know the first six months or so are likely to be VERY challenging, and I expect to feel like I'm going back to ground zero with productivity/freedom/etc. If I can keep my children fed, clothed, hugged, and get Small Sun to preschool, I will have accomplished my six month goals for our family. If that means ordering over-priced groceries online to be delivered to my door, letting the kids wear goofy outfits, snuggling on the couch while they watch too much tv and movies, and being the "bad parent" who doesn't volunteer to help with anything, anywhere, so be it.
I worry about not being able to pick up and snuggle Small Sun and the Sprout. I worry about it raining a lot this fall and us being stuck inside, snarling at each other. But really, I don't worry much.
New Baby will come. We'll all be ecstatic. We'll take it easy and rely on the help of friends and family (three rounds of reinforcements spending a total of 8 weeks with us over a four month period), we won't look too closely at the baseboards or the ceilings or under the claw-foot tub. We'll spend lots of time cuddling and eating take out.
I have a really good friend here who has three kids. Her baby is five months old, and her son is four. I don't know how she's survived the last six months, truly. But she didn't slow down. She didn't say "no". She just kept up the same pace. I don't think I can do that and stay sane. To me, having a new baby means we hunker down in the family bunker, we hang a permanent "NO" sign to the rest of the world, at least until we're ready to rejoin society.
With Easter coming up, The Captain and I were talking about how our church here has so many Easter services and attending holiday services is a big part of the church culture we're in. For both of us growing up, holidays were a time when we attended church very little, even foregoing Sunday services, as our families believed that the sharing of faith is most salient within the walls of our home, with our families. We would close the doors to huddle together to read the scriptures, to share the outworking of our faith in our lives, to eat together, savoring the blessing of family, which is the gift of God. I don't think it is selfish or indulgent to turn inward (bringing others into our family circle, at times) instead of participating in outward activities, during momentous occasions.
So, maybe I'm being naive. Maybe it will be harder than I think. I really don't know. I just expect it to be hard and beautiful as it was when Small Sun came home, and when The Sprout was born.
I am finding that I am more excited about the arrival of this baby than I was with the first two. With Small Sun I felt so much hesitation, trying to identify when he was really "mine" and I could give him my whole heart without encroaching on his mother's time. With The Sprout I had mothered a newborn, but I hadn't experienced the resulting baby after giving birth. Being pregnant was to carry mystery inside me. Now I know the before and after: the kicks inside that take my breath away, that very soon will become little feet tucked against my ribs as I nurse.
I am surprised to find that my two children are very grown up these days. At almost 2.5, The Sprout is potty trained, sleeping in a toddler bed, and can put on her own clothes. At nearly 4, Small Sun is able to help in SO many ways. This is completely different than when Small Sun was 1.5 and I had a new baby. I know their ages may present different challenges, but they are not babies that need me to do everything for them. At the same time, they were babies so recently, that I am not too far out of the habit of diapers and night feedings. I think the fact that they seem so "big" and capable is helping me not feel too concerned.
I'd love to hear feedback from other mothers about the transition from two to three, and about recovering from a c-section. This isn't a beautiful post, but it is a record of how I'm feeling, on the cusp of three!
Yay!!! Wow! I think you will transition better than I have... With Sprout potty trained, and able to dress herself, that's big stuff. I cuddled the kids alot sitting down, and even accidently picked Joe up several times in the weeks after my section. Honestly, I didn't feel a strain as much as I did when there were too many stitches elsewhere.
My only advice: don't be like me and let the habit of nursing more than once a night continue after 3 months... Sleep is too precious. :)
Posted by: Wendy | 06 April 2009 at 09:06 AM
I had not actually visited the blog in awhile, it looks great!
I was just remembering a few days ago how our transition from two to three was one of the easiest, and one of the sweetest. I remember sitting and cuddling Ethan as a newborn and being very aware of how fleeting, precious, and sweet a time it was. I have enjoyed the after weeks of all my children, but Ethan's has always stuck out to me as the first one I really just settled in and enjoyed. I had done it twice before, so I was calm and able to just treasure it all up.
Posted by: Shyla | 06 April 2009 at 09:59 AM
Actually, this is the paragraph that impacted me most:
With Easter coming up, The Captain and I were talking about how our church here has so many Easter services and attending holiday services is a big part of the church culture we're in. For both of us growing up, holidays were a time when we attended church very little, even foregoing Sunday services, as our families believed that the sharing of faith is most salient within the walls of our home, with our families. We would close the doors to huddle together to read the scriptures, to share the outworking of our faith in our lives, to eat together, savoring the blessing of family, which is the gift of God. I don't think it is selfish or indulgent to turn inward (bringing others into our family circle, at times) instead of participating in outward activities, during momentous occasions.
And we're praying for baby #3, so I'll be looking for your advice!
Posted by: Lori | 05 May 2009 at 01:35 AM