When the Israelites were in the wilderness they followed a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. God gave them physical things to focus on, to guide them.
I'm not in the wilderness, but I've got my own set of guide points that God has given me right now, that I am focusing on, and trying to guide myself by.
With the change of the year I have heard several very specific things from the Father:
- This year will be full of the miraculous in our family's life
- Our path will take a complete right angle to our current trajectory
- Whatever the "next step" is, it will be absolutely, undeniably clear and it will obviously be the VERY BEST THING for each of us, and,
- Sometimes God prunes our very best branch, or the fruit-bearing part of our tree, where we find our identity, because He wants to replace it with something even bigger and stronger.
On that last note, we watched UP! with our kids last week. There is a scene where the old man begins throwing everything out of his house, even he and his wife's chairs that they had spend a lifetime sitting together in, in order to gain lift to get to the place he needed to go. We were just watching along with the kids and suddenly I sucked in my breath. It was like a gut-punch from the Holy Spirit. Does that ever happen to you? It happens to me when the Spirit is saying "hey! focus!".
The man threw out all his possessions! Useful things! Precious things! Good things! Things for his future! He threw it all out and instantly lifted to a new place.
The Captain and I still have the agreement not to make any decisions until April, and honestly, I love it here in Sydney, and am so happy here.
At the same time, I feel like I am on the surface of a deep wave that is starting to rock me and I'm not sure where I will be hurled by the gathering force.
I started out with a heart for orphans and children in need. We adopted Small Sun. I became hugely focused on adoption ethics, the need for reform, unnecessary placements, better services for first parents, and critically examining current adoption practices. Useful things. Good things. Things for the future. But in it, I lost my connection with my heart for children. A lot of fear developed about what could go wrong, ethically, in attachment, and for all parties.
That was a good experience to go through. I need to be aware of all that, but now my focus is changing again. My heart is being absolutely broken for children in need, right now. I mean, it is really messing me up. I've been watching the situation in Haiti for awhile now, and beyond that, becoming more and more aware of the plight of children all over the earth. God is shifting my focus. Another one of those "hey! pay attention!" shifts.
My desire to adopt is through the roof. I think about it all.the.time.
At the same time, The Captain is feeling drawn to make a significant change of focus/direction/application of skills in his career. He doesn't really know how to make the shift, as we need the income provided by the kind of work he does now, but he needs the change. I'm his best friend and I know he needs the change as well. He needs his life to be spent on something that he feels is valuable.
So April is still a couple months away. We have travel plans/holidays/visitors booked for the next eight months, and we just signed another year lease on our house. At the same time, we've got our eyes on the cloud and while we don't know where it will go, all the signs that we are getting from God are that a big change is developing ahead of us and we might not even be able to anticipate it. Kind of scary. A year for miracles.
We saw Up! in the theater, and I bawled like a big baby through the majority of it. Mea kept asking me, what's wrong, Mama? As soon as it came out on video, I had to buy it, at least now I can get through it without the tears.
Adopting again has been on my mind a lot lately too. I keep thinking, we need to get our home study updated, and just keep it that way just in case. Just in case. You never know.
Posted by: Kelly | 21 January 2010 at 07:29 AM
I am in the same place with adoption. Feeling REALLY uncomfortable not having a home study completed right now. I am beginning to think that I may be losing my mind. In june we will have 4 children 4 and under. Seriously, will this desire ever go away. My poor husband!
Posted by: Amie R. | 21 January 2010 at 09:46 AM
How exciting! I can see how it would be somewhat terrifying as well... But mostly very thrilling to wonder what plans may be in store for your family.
How do you find the darn guide points? I feel like I'm constantly trying to rub my eyes clear so I can see the cloud or pillar that I know is supposed to be there.
Posted by: Mayhem | 21 January 2010 at 12:55 PM
good to know it... thanks
Posted by: Business Process Management Training,Brisbane | 28 January 2010 at 04:30 AM