Growing Family

Small Sun

Yesterday, after getting up early with the kids, I crawled back into bed to try to get a little more rest. It seems that a real sleep in is impossible these days, as my body is programmed to wake up as the kids do, to make sure they don't get into any mischief. In fact, this morning, I was sound asleep, but I could here my kids talking. I heard them saying "we can eat the candy from our lolly bags now!" I sprung out of bed and found them at the kitchen table with their treat bags from yesterday's birthday party. Of course, being the responsible one that he is, Small Sun was just organizing his treats. Sprout was chowing down.

But I am getting side-tracked. Yesterday I got BACK into bed to pretend that I was sleeping in. Small Sun crawled right in after me and cuddled down next to me and started to chat. Have I ever told you that this boy is a talker? Seriously, all day talking. 

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the layers of down and listened absentmindedly as he talked. Finally he asked "Mommy, do you want me to go away now so you can get some more sleep?"

Could I love him any more? My son is five and he is the most empathetic, considerate, thoughtful child I have EVER met. I am so proud of him and sometimes he just takes my breath away.

Once, when he was almost 3 and we were still in the States, we were staying with my parents before the move. My dad was lying down on the couch, resting. Completely on his own initiative, Small Sun struggled with a heavy throw blanket, dragging it over to my dad, and covering him up with it. No one asked him to. My dad didn't say he was cold. Small Sun just looked over and realized it would be a nice thing to do.

Back to yesterday morning, I would have liked a little more sleep, but after that expression of thoughtfulness, all I wanted was to cuddle up with my big boy and hear him talk. I told him I loved to be with him and he could talk as much as he liked. He responded "oh good, I like to be here and chat with you. Chat - chat- chat!" And chat away he did!

Blogging

I've been writing here for about four years now. No, don't jump to any conclusions, I am not shutting the blog down, although I thought about joining American Family in her swift exit from the blogosphere (sniff, sniff, I miss you AmFam!). No, this isn't about that.

I go through a bit of ebb and flow with my relationship with the blogosphere. Sometimes I am faithfully reading all 82 blogs in my feedreader, leaving comments and being right in the thick of all the chatter. Other times I kind of lose interest or get busy with real life. I used to feel really invested in what was going on in adoption around the globe, but I'm a bit distanced from that now. 

Right now there are a couple blogs that I'm stalking. I've even started to figure out the schedule of when one publishes, I'm so eager for that next fix. They are the splash of humour and colour that get me laughing, dreaming, and finding that little bit of zing to put spice in my day. I am not ashamed to say that I love these blogs and blow air kisses to them through my monitor. 

First there's Enjoying the Small Things by the fabulous Kelle Hampton. I first read Kelle's blog when she published her birth story six months ago. After eagerly anticipating the birth of her second child, she was rocked when her daughter was born with Downs Syndrome. I love a lot of things about her blog. For one thing she is a photographer and each entry is bursting with stunning photographs of her gorgeous daughters and the magic they make every day. She is serious about draining the last drops of joy from her cup, every day. When parenting becomes mundane and exhausting, her blog helps me shake a leg and refocus on the beauty and wonder happening right under my nose.

Then there is Party of 5 aka Five Free Spirits*. This is a husband and wife blogging duo sharing their life which entails twin boys from Haiti that are all boy times one thousand and a dear little daughter (who is their biological child) and is a strong little sprite with a passion for necklaces. Their blog takes on the struggles of a two career household and the joys and challenges that entails, as well as fabulous food Fridays filled with mouth watering recipes.

Lastly, I'm loving Rage Against the Minivan where Kristen Howerton keeps me in stitches with her overwhelmed parenting of four children, preschool age and younger (2 birth, 2 bio). As an introvert she talks about the struggle of being ON. ALL. DAY! for four busy little people and I can so relate. She also talks frankly about race, adoption, and attachment issues, and I love her for it. This girl is hilarious and I don't know how she does it all!

These are "real" bloggers. Their blogs look flash, they speak at conferences and get interviewed on television shows...you know, real bloggers. 

So what does that have to do with me? Well not a lot, actually, since this blog is more like a journal tucked under my pillow. I scribble away here and then it goes out of sight. I am not on anyone's "radar", my site is bare-bones, it's just a notepad. BlogHer is not offering to fly me on a private jet to their next shindig.

But there are ways that my blog could be more luscious. Mainly, photographs. One thing I love about the above blogs is that they have tons of pictures. You feel like you know the families, warts and all (and when I say warts I mean gorgeous shades of lipstick, scrumptious plates of food, and stylish home interiors). You feel like you know and love their kids. You feel like you're friends. I love that.

I have tons of gorgeous pictures of our life that I would love to share, but don't because of dirty old trolls. I don't use our names or identifying images for the same reason. You know, safety from weirdos, etc. It is really a shame because my kids are gorgeous and I'd love to have that kind of feel on my blog...and I love blogs that operate that way, but even though I want to take that step, I still have not. I've had some weirdos come through here and your stomach just rolls when you know they've been poking around your pics. I also know of other bloggers who have had their pics lifted off of their blogs and used in some nasty on-line environments.

So what do you think? All of the bloggers I mentioned just look at life as the glass half-full. They embrace the community of the blogosphere and snub the creeps. I'm thinking about doing the same. What do you think? 

Go check out those sites, they're really fabulous and will make your day!

*Precisely because of creeps and haters, Party of 5 is now password protected, but if you are a genuine reader, I think they still add people to their list.

Stop, Breathe, Count to Ten

"If God is our father, then who is our mother?" The door-to-door faith pusher leaned in, holding his Bible extended into the door frame, making it more difficult for me to close the door.

It's hard to know what moment in the day was more frustrating - the one that came before this, or the bit that followed after.

Yesterday was one of those days where I got up early and was super organized because I had more than usual to accomplish. I was making dinner for a friend in the morning, while Finch took his morning nap, so that we could do a double header play date for lunch and afternoon tea, ending with the delivery of the meal. But, in that special way that babies have, Finch sensed that I needed to be getting things done, so he didn't sleep. He wouldn't sleep. He cried and cried and I went in again and again to give him his special blanket which was on the floor, and change his dirty nappy, and lie him down and shush him...until nap time was all used up and I was frazzled before the day really began.

By after play date #1 he fell asleep in the car on the way home and I'd transferred him in and resumed my efforts on the dinner before my friend arrived to drop off 3 of her 4 children for our second play date. He was still asleep but Thing 1 and Thing 2, I mean Small Sun and Sprout, where not being absolutely still and quiet like I kept asking them to be. It was when I had Sprout sitting on the time-out stool in the kitchen while I cooked that someone started banging on the door: the door right next to the room where Finch was still sleeping.

I sprinted to the door at that speed which only the mothers of barely-sleeping babies can reach. Zero to front door in two seconds flat. My feet hardly touched the floor from the back of the house down the hall to the front. I opened the door a wide crack to try to keep the noise outside and I greeted the strangers with a clear "my baby is sleeping, please be quiet." 

After about three questions the male-female team had assessed that I WAS a Christian, but not the right sort, and I had assessed that they were in for a conversion and not about to back down. I stated firmly "we have a difference in theology, and that is okay. I have food on the counter, guests on their way here, and a baby sleeping, I need to go now." They were insistent. No door-to-door salesperson could have over-insisted these two. The man responded with "that is just physical food - this is eternal food that will lead to salvation - let me show you two more scriptures." I don't think a Hoover sales guy could counter with anything like that.

I think my tone bordered on begging as I heard Finch begin to move and cry in his bed. "My baby, he NEEDS TO SLEEP!" I begged/hissed. As I realized that it was too late I began to see red - the red of a mother who has worked all day to have a child get to sleep, only to have him woken. I closed the door on the evangelist's face and they are lucky I didn't give them a tongue lashing to boot. Hell hath no fury like the mother of a woken infant.

I rushed back to the kitchen to try to get the dinner finished before Finch's little moans turned into wails. And that's when I found Sprout, in the bathroom, stripping down. "I did a pee on the time out stool" she explained. And indeed, she had. The stool was the point of origin for a waterfall that ended in a large pool on the floor of the kitchen. Then there were the footprints leading to the bathroom and the puddle beneath the soggy clothes, and the footprints leading to the bathtub where she was waiting. Sigh.

Sometimes motherhood is a series of deep breathes. I can count at least five times yesterday where I had to make myself stand still and close my eyes and breathe deeply, count to ten, and mutter "these children are more important than X." X being me wanting to yell at them, the floorboards covered with pee, anger at them not sleeping, the massive mess they created with their friends, etc. 

Stop, breathe, count to ten. In ten minutes flat it can turn from me pulling my hair out to the loveliest moment ever. I always try to keep that possibility in mind: the startling beauty and wonder that is tucked between the maddening moments. 

The Captain arrived him on the heels of the friend's departure. The house was rubble from front to back, but dinner was hot out of the oven. After we tucked three exhausted children into bed and cleared the debris field, I fell over onto the couch, weary to the bone. And I must confess, this morning I still have my PJs on after everyone is dressed. I am clinging to the feeling of rest, even as the day marches on. We'll take is slow today, and play games together on the floor, and eat yummy snacks, and settle into love after the jostling we gave it yesterday.

Car Shopping

Okay Readers (1,2, and 3 - thank you!),

With a steady progression of guests coming through for the next six months, we HAVE to have a vehicle with more seats and we have three weeks left to purchase it. We've done (way too much) internet research and today we crawled around several cars, much to the amusement of various car salesmen. 

We've narrowed it down to two options and I'm looking for all the input I can get to help us get to one.

Candidate Numero Uno: Toyota Tarago. 

In the US this was sold as the Previa but is not longer manufactured. It's the only "minivan"/"people-mover" Toyota makes here.

See a Pic

Pros:

• 8 seats
• good gas mileage
• lots of space

Cons:

• No "features"
• Drives like a sack of potatoes
• Third row of seats doesn't fold away so it's not good for transporting stuff or moving, etc.
• It looks like a minivan - which is an even bigger image-kill here than it is in the States

Candidate Numero Dos: Honda Odyssey

This is not the same as the Odyssey in the States. It has four car-style doors (not sliders) and is really low to the ground. 

See a Pic

Pros:

• Decent gas mileage
• Electronic stow 3rd row of seats
• Leather/sunroof/DVD/roof rails/seat warmers/etc, etc
• More responsive drive
• All seats lay flat so good for transporting stuff
• Strong resale value

Cons:

• 7 (not 8) seats
• Not as much boot (trunk) space when all seats are up

Okay, so when I put it out like this, it seems like the Honda is the clear choice. I think my hesitation boils down to one thing - I want a big family. I want a car the says "sure, pile in, the more the merrier" on the way to church, the beach, or a weekend getaway. The Odyssey is a great car for the family I have, but it is still too small for the family in my head. I can't clearly imagine where the dog would be in the car, when we get a dog. I can't see a bunch of high school boys piling in after soccer practice.

So what do I do? Do I drive around a car with way too much space and no features whatsoever, to hold a place for my dreams? Do I put up with a mushy gas petal day in day out because "what if" the mountains moved and our family suddenly blossomed from five to seven?

Is choosing the comfortable option and relinquishing that space me giving up on my dreams?

Why can't buying a car be just that? Just buying a car? Why is it so much more to me?

If, in the nearish future we needed a bigger car, that wouldn't be a problem. We'd sell what we have and buy one, just like we are now. Even so, I am really emotionally engaged in this purchase and I can't seem to shake it.

And before you suggest other options, (which I would normally appreciate), we have much less available in the Australian market. I would be looking at very different options in the States, but there's aren't really comparable options here. These are the best options for our needs, in this market. 

Okay, if any of you are into the car thing, feel free to comment away!