Growing Family

The Misadventures of Today

I am afraid today is going to be one of those memorable days in parenting. Unfortunately, not for the golden glow of childhood whimsy, but for sheer terror and upset.

In today's misadventures, my sons played the starring roles, although my daughter certainly wins a prize for best supporting actress.

Drama the first:

This morning, in the schoolyard, I learned from another mother that Small Sun did something naughty at school. This is the second naughty act I learned about through the mother grapevine. Yesterday I heard about another incident. There was not real harm in what he did either time, he was, as they say here in Australia, mucking about. 

The intelligence I gathered indicates that he was doing both naughty things to get a laugh, and was fully aware that he was outside the bounds of acceptable behavior. I didn't say anything to him about it this morning. I drove home from school stewing in disappointment and feeling upset with him. I started crafting a love and logic worthy response to greet him with when he came home.

By the time he was settled in at home, after school, I wasn't angry anymore. I called him into my room alone and closed the door. Of course all kids know that means SOMETHING'S UP. When I told him that I knew what he did at school his eyes were as big as saucers. I quietly but firmly told him that those type of shenanigans at school are completely unacceptable, and that if he ever does something like that again there will be big consequences. One of the incidents included him stating, within hearing of the observing parent, "I'll probably get sent to the office for this!". I warned him that if he ever gets in trouble at school and thinks being sent to the office is bad, it will be nothing compared to how much trouble he will be in when he gets home. I used my most dead-calm voice of terror. I told him that there would be no consequence this time, this was his warning.

The poor dear, after standing stonily boring angry eyes through me, surrendered to a cuddle on my lap and out rushed a torrent of every bump and conflict he encountered in his school day - the older child who pushed him in line, the kids who wouldn't let him have a turn on the monkey bars, the classmate who wouldn't share the computer, it all came rushing out. He sat on my lap, with arms wrapped tight around me, a growing bulk of boy, letting out all his fears and hurts.

Drama the second:

This afternoon my neighbor helloed over the back fence and I went to talk to her. The front door was open but the screen was securely locked and the lock is out of Finch's reach to I was comfortable leaving the kids in the house while I was out the back.

While we were talking, Sprout came crying through the house, gasping sobs and completely intelligible. I stopped my conversation to get down to her level, to try to understand what she was saying. She was completely overwrought, I have never seen her upset in that way. What she was saying made no sense at all, until finally, between breaths I understood "I let Finch out the front door". I raced through the house and was greeted at our front walk with a stranger, leading Finch towards the house.

"Where did you find him?" I gasped.

"Up the street a little ways. I live on the street and saw him come out of your walkway."

"My son is fourteen now, but when he was young, I took a shower once and my husband was meant to be watching him. Someone found him in his pajamas, wandering on the main road and took him to the police station."

She gave me an understanding look as I thanked her over and over, clutching my little boy.

While all this was happening, the dog (who is only allowed outside, in the fenced back yard), shot out the front door and up the street. And from the house you could hear The Sprout howling like she would never recover. With Finch in arms, I caught the dog and trundled us all inside.

It took a long time to calm Sprout down. I held her in my arms like a baby and she sobbed and sobbed. She was absolutely terrified of what she had done.

This afternoon a friend had come by and Small Sun and Sprout unlocked the front door and ran out without asking. I gave them a stern talking to about never going out front without permission. We live near one of Sydney's busiest roads and while our neighborhood is extremely safe in terms of people, that road is a real hazard. 

Sprout told me that she had wanted to go out front (I think in defiance of the boundary I gave her), so she unlocked the door, but let Finch out by mistake.

Today was too much drama for my liking, and I hope that both my older children learned some valuable lessons from their misadventures. Now I need something strong to calm my nerves, Lord help me. 

Foster Care

Today we had our last interview session before we get approved to become foster carers. All that is left is for the agency to type up their recommendation, submit it to the board, and then we get the official letter of approval. I think it is pretty much a done deal. With my background in child development and social work, our experience with adoption and all the dynamics surrounding that, as well as our parenting experience, well they're ready for us to start taking placements as soon as we have the final green light.

This week I went to several baby superstore type places in search of a booster for Small Sun. Oh my goodness, so much cuteness! I've been so stressed about having a drug-affected baby that won't stop screaming, or a violet toddler, that I didn't even stop to realize the real potential for enjoying that sweet baby stage. 

I slowly walked the aisles of new and amazing baby paraphernalia, trying on slings, and folding and unfolding this amazing crib that I wanted so badly! I love baby gear.

I never could justify splurging on lots of clothes and flash baby stuff for my babies. I went for good quality, and got a lot of things second hand. For foster care, I think that these babies deserve to have nice things. Not everything has to be new and fancy, schmancy, but I don't want them wearing out-of-fashion, faded baby clothes passed down from ten years ago. 

Hm. As I'm saying that my brain is doing a little spin. You know the sound when a disk is spinning up in the computer and the program hasn't popped up yet? My brain is doing that.

Maybe most of these babies will be coming from humble circumstances, and me insisting on a level of "nice stuff" for them is potentially alienating them from their families? I'll have to think about this some more.

Anyway, I told The Captain that I nearly got pregnant just looking at all of the cuteness. The clothes! The strollers! The lambskin stroller inserts! Burp cloths! I love little flannel burp cloths! I just wanted to get a cart and start shopping.

So for the first time since we started this journey towards foster care it crossed my mind that I might actually like this! It might actually be fun! I hadn't thought of that before.

Looking over all of the baby things and feeling that excitement also kind of jolted me into realizing that one day, I don't know when, it will be time to add another child to our family, and that will be such an amazing and exciting thing. For all of the potential drama and stress of a new baby or child, there is also that pure energy and excitement of a new addition to the family. Am I making sense? I hope I don't sound too negative about all of this. Life has been hard these last couple of weeks and I'm worn thin.

We are requesting that we have babies about eighteen months and younger placed with us. We will probably decline extreme drug-affected babies until we have some more experience. We are doing temporary emergency foster care and the placements can range from several weeks to two years. Babies will leave our care to be reunited with their mother or father, or to enter a permanent care situation through foster care or adoption. I'm terrified.

In the meantime, we are caring for a little three year old friend of ours, on the weekends. His mother is recovering from a very serious spinal cord operation and will need constant help for eight weeks. Four kids five and under is challenging, and we're going to need a lot of strategy and patience to make the next eight weekends strong ones. 

In other news, in a month our live-in babysitter leaves (sob), and my parents arrive (cheer). I know that I am hosting them, but I think I might fall down in a heap when my mom arrives, and just wait for her to make me a cup of tea and scrape me off the ground. Sometimes I'm so busy trying to beSuperMom, that I forget I need my SuperMom. I can't wait to see her. 

Parents coming, and school holidays while they're here - two things to be looking forward to. In the meantime, I'm reaching deep for the courage God told me I needed this year. I'm finally starting to need it. 

 

The Highlights

My girlfriends told me that having kids in school didn't mean that I would have any more free time, and that I would actually be MORE busy. I didn't believe them. I had been holding onto that dream for too long, and I think I'll pull a Charlton Heston, "you'll have to pray that dream from my cold, dead hands!" I still believe, in my heart, that sometime in the future it will be true. Maybe when they're all in school?

But really, I cannot believe how busy we are. Having three kids in three different stages is challenging. While I'm keeping most of the balls in the air, I have completely neglected writing down new developments, sayings, or accomplishments in their little notebook. In fact, I'm not even sure where the notebook is anymore. So, here go some bullet points so I don't forget this season of their childhood altogether when I awake on the other side of this mad-rush-to-be-on-time-to-something-I-am-already-late-for!

Finch

Loves to run. He is slightly pigeon toed and runs and stops, to freeze funny poses before taking off running again, giggling with delight. 

This week he has been working hard at jumping and he has gotten both feet off the ground multiple times. The first was when he was trying to grab my keys from my hand. He's just a little bitty thing, but the amount of effort he put into launching off the ground - you'd think you'd just seen an elephant get air. I laughed so hard. 

Finch still has a limited vocab but has taken to calling out "mama" and "papa" in his nightly (and afternoon-ly) protests against sleep. It is so pathetic, the way he cries as if his heart is breaking. It's just sleep, honey, we all have to do it! He also says his sister's name now, which is significantly easier than Small Sun's. 

Finch is in a SUPER attachment phase right now where he becomes nearly hysterical when we leave him, and when I am out and about he spends much of his time using his body to tie my two legs together so that I cannot go ANYWHERE. I can't even take a step. This is all part of his plan, because if he can keep me from taking one step, he can keep me from leaving. This is his master plan. 

He is using a fork and spoon and is obsessed with climbing into the driver's seat in the car when I am trying to get everyone and everything unloaded. He points to his diaper and says "oop", when there is, ahem, "poop" to be dealt with. It really is endearing. What is not endearing is his mean streak. He pulls hair when he gets mad, and both Sprout and Small Sun have lost a tiny fistful on several occasions. Not good. Also not endearing, his love for pouring out the toy buckets we use to organize the toys. All the buckets, on the floor, every day.

Sprout

Speaking of mean, the Sprout has a bit of that in her as well. She is becoming more adept at back-talk, copying, pulling faces, and throwing fits. I have discovered that she can go from fine to the ugly cry in three seconds flat. Thank God she is not old enough to wear mascara or she might have permanent tracks down her face. My friend assured me that her temperament is actually a good thing (heh), because her storms blow up fast, and then blow over just as quickly. That is true, she doesn't hold a grudge, she just explodes and then moves on. :)

Now I feel like I should say a bunch of things about how sweet she is, and how kind, and thoughtful, and everything, and she is! Really! She is a good friend, and a good sister, and a real snuggly sweety, I promise! This morning she wanted to feed her little brother, so she did. She managed two bowls of cereal simultaneously, feeding herself and the little guy. 

Sprout is really good at remembering the routine and following the rules. She unpacks her bag at school and at home with very little prompting. She asks me at least once a week, in tears, "but why can't I go to big school? I want to go to much! I want to go right now!"

A couple weeks ago our babysitter showed Sprout how to write her name. She was fascinated and asked for H to show her the letters over and over again. Now she can confidently write her name (sometimes it is backwards), although she moans to The Captain about the shape of some of her letters. She wants them to be perfect. 

At the same time as the name writing, H showed her how to make stick people. We have been inundated with a host of stick people drawings. On of the very first ones included me with a circle drawn on me, and a small stick person in the circle. She explained that was baby Finch, in my belly! She has just taken off with writing and drawing in ways that Small Sun still doesn't get. She always paints at preschool and loves any opportunity of art and crafts. 

The other day she saw and empty toilet roll and said "I want to make a pen holder from that!" She found a lid in the recycling, taped it to the bottom, and then decorated the whole thing before putting markers in it.

She is also very into planting gardens and harvesting seed pods for next year. She is very industrious and plants extensive stick gardens, carefully watering and mulching as she goes.

She has been riding a tricycle but is still no good with the pedals. Oh, she is also really discovering an interest in money and how to get it and save it.

Small Sun

Speaking of gross motor skills, bikes just don't seem to be my kid's thing. Maybe we haven't put enough work in and pushed them hard enough. Small Sun's bike goes un-ridden, even with training wheels. He gets freaked out on it, and so we just let it go.

Small Sun is doing great at school. By about week five he started to get more clingy and teary at drop off in the morning. This morning he was waiting in the line for his classroom, holding a worm from the garden bed next to the sidewalk. He was pretending to eat it, much to the delight of his mates. He is so confident and self-assured. He has lots of friends, and is even working on making friends with some of the girls! (He told me that in kindergarten, the girls don't want to be friends with the boys. I told him to tell them he has a sister and knows about ballet and Barbies if the want to talk about that.)

Small Sun is learning to write his letters and numbers. His teacher said he tries so! hard! 

Small Sun is still all boy and loves sports. He also still spends a lot of time tying things to other things to make things. Right now we have several tricycles hooked together to make a train, and he rides in front, dragging the other two along behind him. 

Last week I pulled up to the video store and let Small Sun jump out to run the video in. He was so proud! I am discovering that he is actually big enough to do some things for me that I need help with! Amazing. 

He is also getting old enough to have some conversations we haven't had before. We've talked about what war is, about heaven, about hearing God, about having friends with disabilities, and about friends where we don't ever see a dad around.

Small Sun simultaneously gets on my very last nerve (so loud! so rambunctious! so BOY!), and is my saving grace helping with the other kids and leading by example. 

Well that was more epic than bullet points, and I'm sure there's more that I've forgotten, but it will have to do for now!