It's Been A Long Time Coming

For the first time in nine months we are alone in our house. For a glorious seven months we had a live-in babysitter. My sister came for a month over Christmas. Our sitter left and my parents came for four weeks. Amidst those guests we've also had a friend's little boy staying on and off for many weekends. Our house has been full.

Now, everyone has gone and for a couple weeks (two I think, at least) it is just us. Do you know how strange it is to have the kids asleep and it be just me and the Captain in the house? Strange.

My parents always told me "make sure you constantly build bridges between yourself and your partner. One day you wake up and the kids are gone and you need to be sure that you are still connected to the person you raised them with." I'm facing a little bit of that right now.

In the lack of privacy generated by constant company, we've settled into the pattern of partners more than lovers. I'm to blame for that, really. I'm not one for too much PDA, and I'm very private about our business, and don't want to make anyone uncomfortable (especially our single, Christian babysitter!). 

Live has been intensely busy lately and we've been a really great team. We've organized and executed multiple road trips, and oodles of outings for our overseas guests. We've packed hundreds of sandwiches and drink bottles and rain jackets and swimsuits and sunscreen and strollers and all of the endless gear that goes along on an afternoon outing.

We're a good team. We can manage three kids + guests + dog + extra kid for the weekend like pros. Somehow the shopping gets done, the laundry is processed, the bills are payed, and we make it all happen.

Now that the dust has settled and we've caught up on all the essentials that slipped in the last couple weeks I'm looking at my poor husband who is sick and has been for weeks, and wondering, how do I feel connected again? In between packing lunches and looking at houses, and organizing our boys' birthdays, when do I swoon and get goosebumps? When do I hear his heart?

Life is challenging.

We're in this space between everything that just happened and everything that's about to happen and I feel a little small and unsure in it all. 

Recently our very dear friends up and moved to Europe with very little warning. Now, just this week, another dear set of friends are doing the same. They'll land in Perth in a week and a half.

Being an expat in a place where people are transient is hard. If you live in a moving city, but you have your family, you're set because you can find security in your family. Or if you're far from family but in a stable community, that works out sometimes too, because you get support from your community.

It's hard to be far from family, and to have the people that you look to for comfort and understanding move away. And as much as I know that is part and parcel of the expat life, it is still hard. Even harder on the heels of my parents leaving.

In a season when life feels unsure and friends feel distant, you want your spouse to be that certain comfort. And if you are a person of faith, such a season is a ripe time to be quiet within and to feel the closeness and friendship of God in the stillness. 

The funny thing about quietness, stillness, pause, is that it is like a smooth swimming pool with someone mid-air about to land a cannonball. We're going to be having our friend's son with us again, as she goes through another surgery, and I heard from a friend today that the foster care agency is finally calling our references. We're hunting for a house and ready to buy. 

I hope in these couple weeks I can re-find my lover, and get quiet on the inside to feel God at the core of my being.

Comments

[Adelle]

As usual, you have such a beautifully descriptive way of writing. I so cherish this window into your world!