Adjusting

B has been with us for one week and we are...adusting. I've been thinking about writing alot of things, but betwen the non-stop needs of all four little people, and sorting through what I can and cannot say, well...

First of all, this week has gone so much better than it would have otherwise because my mother in law is here, and has carried my kids through the week with flying colors! I have been hard pressed to manage with B, let alone meet my kid's needs, and she has really smoothed that over, tirelessly reading stories, playing "shop" and attending Finch's rather painful "hair salon". Thank Mam!

Once again our friends have rallied around us and offered support in the practical ways that make all the difference, and the relational ways that lift spirits when we're lagging!

B is a champion. He has been through so much, and his experience in foster care has been a bit bumpy with multiple moves (having nothing to do with him, but because that's just the way things go with pre-arranged holidays for the carers, etc).

With B we can see the effects of his early challenges much more clearly than with Baby A or the girls. He exhibits some behaviors that I would expect from a child that has been institutionalized. Seeing those behaviors in my home, contrasted by my healthy, happy, attached kids is a bit of a shock. I am not totally equipped to know if I am doing the right things, or how to help him best.

The first 24 hours was rough. It was kind of one rolling melt-down. A meltdown that involves hitting, scratching, and near primal-fear and emotional pain. 

CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE MOVED AROUND LIKE BOXES.

More than anything else has so far, foster care is convincing me of the value of adoption. A child should not experience trauma, move, attach, move, attach, move, attach... I believe that asking a child to attach and move over and over steadily breaks them down and reduces their chances at securing a good quality of life in the future. Children need stability. They need permanence.

The fact that B will have to do this all again...it is just wrong. I don't know if he will be able.

If children can't stay with their family, for whatever reason, they should be placed in a new permanent family as soon as possible, with as few pit stops in between!

I'm saying all that because I don't know how to talk about what I am seeing with B. This is a tough one. We are pulling heavy on Grace.

 

Comments

[Kelly]

You are so right in everything that you have said. It is so hard to see these little ones especially get moved around like this. They need stability, love and care. It will effect them for the rest of their lives.

[quietstream]

This one makes my heart ache--with this specific injustice and with the overwhelming volume of injustice in the world. You are wise to pull on Grace. It is THE factor that allows for 1+1 to end up being more than would have been mathematically possible. We are pulling with you, here on our side of the world.

[AwkwardGrace]

I couldn't have said it better myself. My heart hurts for these little ones who have experienced more loss than many adults could ever even fathom. I'm going to spend the night praying for your family and for B.