One Month Into Caring for B

This week little B turned two years old, and we passed the one month mark of having him with us. I wish I could go back in time and pat the panicked me from one month ago and say "he's going to mellow out, sweetie." Thank God he has!

The hysterical raging that characterized his first few days here has calmed right down, and you can see that he is relaxing into our life and routine. I am learning to understand him, to help him navigate big feelings as they come, and try to meet his needs before they overwhelm him.

In my focus on attachment, I spend most of my time thinking about how to help a child attach to us, but a very large part of building attachment also includes me attaching to him. It is hard to feel the warm and fuzzies for a child that upsets your whole life overnight, and sends everyone running for cover. 

When Small Sun and Sprout were little, I used to choose their clothes carefully each day, because I figured out that when they really looked cute, I found myself working harder to be the best mom I could be. I may be shallow, but it worked for me. 

Feeling warm and fuzzy about a child, whether it is because they look cute, or for another reason, helps move my heart into action for them. B is starting to move my heart.

I am starting to have those little "awwww" moments over him, that I just couldn't muster in the beginning when I was smacked in the face (literally, and figuratively) with a very hurt and wounded child. 

B has the most gorgeous round, brown belly, much darker than his face, and so yummy. He has the habit of falling down and rolling around when he gets to laughing really hard. He loves our dog and just digs his hands into Franklin's fluffy fur. He comes to me to be held, and when I lay my hand on the back of his head, he nestles into my neck, letting his body sag in a moment of trust before popping up again.

It is hard to love a stranger who smells different, acts different, is different than the family you have carefully nurtured. But slowly I am getting there. My shoulders are loosening as the tantrums are farther and farther apart. My smile is coming more quickly, and joy is welling up.

Things aren't easy, and B is not "fine", but I am finding my footing, and the days are feeling closer to normal. 

Comments

[Bron]

So great to hear that you're all finding your 'groove' and things aren't so difficult. It does take time, and little people who've experienced trauma are closed and unavailable much of the time. I guess they have their guard up and are in survival mode so you have to really try to build the right kind of bridge to reach them and speak their language. B is very lucky that you've taken the time to wait it out, build just the right bridge and learn his language. He'll be a better person long term because of this.

[sarah b-d]

thanks for sharing the details of this journey. You're putting in to words so well the emotions and experiences of what you're all going through. I think the job you're doing is amazing - giving a child love and security (esp. when that's not their 'norm' - and is out of your comfort zone too) is such a gift. Hope there are many more reasons to keep feeling encouraged.
sbdx