Growing Family

Sprout's Revelation

Sprout, my heart-born six year old daughter, came to stand next to my reading chair as I sought to enter my oblivious bubble while the post-dinner mayhem roared around me. 

"Why do people sin?" she asked. "I mean, like Adam and Eve? If I was them I would have just said 'no' to the snake."

I looked into her eyes and said "we all think we would say no, but the truth is that Satan looks for a place in our heart where we are thin, and vulnerable, and he tries to poke us there, and trick us. He tricked Eve by poking at a place where she was thin, and he got her to wonder if God was really good, and if God really cared about her."

Without pausing to think she said "so when I feel like I am not good at anything, and I'm a bad person, that is Satan poking me and trying to trick me?"

How can I describe the joy in that moment where my child saw her struggle for what it is? For months we have been working with Sprout as she cries at night, inconsolable that she can't write as neatly as another girl in her class, or run as fast as she imagines she used to, or leap as far as a girl in ballet...and all these perceived failures snowball into "I'm not good at anything. I'm a bad person."

I beamed at her and said "Sprout, this is a big moment, because you just figured it out for yourself!"

She reached down and motioned over her heart and said "there, now that I know, I just fixed the thin place and I don't have to worry about that anymore!"

Five minutes later she was doing her impression of The Muppets and we were in stitches as she repeated "Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh..." before taking a bow.

It is so amazing to see God working in my children's lives. I can't even describe.

That's what Easter is all about.

Love

Lately I've been thinking about this foster care gig and how bizarre it is. In a meeting with one of our caseworkers this week, I got to hear a bit more about how the court case has been progressing.

Is foster care like a mad fling, where you throw yourself body and soul into a relationship with no future? Sometimes it feels that way. At the end of the day, despite our struggles, I love B.

We have these ideas about love in our culture, "if you love someone, set them free" or, "if you love someone, fight for them."  Well which is it?

I think about B's mother and find that I don't have an idea of what I think she should do. Should she release her parental rights to let him go freely into a (hypothetically better) future? Or should she fight with all she's worth to regain their relationship? 

I think about myself. Am I holding B with an open enough hand, and not taking on responsibility for his life and future to a degree that is not actually mine? Or should I be fighting harder for him, even though he's not mine to fight for?

I looked to the love chapter in my Message Bible translation and have been working this exhortation over in my heart as I continue on this journey of unknowns.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do...Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.

 

 

 

Making Foster Care Work - Me Time

People often ask me if doing foster care is hard, and I always say yes. With our first cruisy baby, it was hard. With our two sweet little girls it was hard. With our current two year old tornado, it is hard. I once heard someone ask if adopting a child felt like a really long babysitting job and the clear answer there was no. Temporary foster care, however, can feel a bit that way. 

Case workers come in and out of our home, courts convene, practitioners make assessments and recommendations, and care plans that we implement. We flex, and stretch, and acquiesce, attempting to give the most loving family care to a child the is still, essentially, passing through. 

Given that the nature of foster parenting is different to "regular" parenting, I have had to change some of my expectations and do things differently than I have done with our permanent children. One way is to say yes to as many opportunities as I can to step back, and refresh and recharge my batteries. 

My children are getting a bit older now so they hardly bat an eyelash when I am out for more meetings, events, and outings. 

When my dear friend invited my down to Melbourne for the weekend, I didn't think it was a good idea since I was already booked to go to a women's conference the following week, and I am unused to leaving my children much at all. She took it upon herself to Skype with The Captain and together they convinced me that I should go.

Throwing stylish clothes into a weekend bag and jumping on a flight to Melbourne is such a luxurious getaway for this Sydney girl. My friend asked me what I wanted to do in Melbourne and all I could think was "eat good food"! Well, from the moment I stepped off the plane, my friend treated me to a weekend of ultimate pampering!

We started off at the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival.

After eating our fill of the gourmet and delicious, we left the festival and set to browsing through upscale shops. Other mothers with young children know that meandering through shops where the merchandise is costly and fragile, is not a frequently enjoyed activity. One highlight was Marimekko, whose bright colours and towering shelves of fabrics delighted me.

Shopping wore us out completely, so we went for Thai massages before ducking into a fabulous little Italian restaurant for dinner and then a chocolate shop for dessert.

We topped of the night with a movie before heading home to fall into bed. I was not awoken by any little people, and slept to my heart's content.

I don't have pictures from the second day, but after a breakfast of crossiants we ran to the local garden store in Albert Park. I could have bought everything there, had I space to carry it home! I rounded up supplies and planted in the world's fastest herb garden for my friend. She has been wanting to start to grow her own and I was delighted to get her started.

I cleaned the dirt from under my fingernails as we rushed to church to meet with The Captain's family. We enjoyed lunch with them before spending a little more time shopping in the city before heading back to the airport.

My friend did such an amazing job pampering me, and I was delighted to return to my family inspired, refreshed, and ready to face my busy week. 

"Me Time" is important for us all, but especially so for mothers with young children, and especially for mothers caring for children that are particularly needy or intense. I didn't make time to do these types of things in the last couple of years (honestly, I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth with three kids four and under, and no family nearby to help), nor did I have the opportunity. These days I am learning to say "yes" to nice things when they come my way, and I am blessed to have a husband that views them as good opportunities and doesn't mind carrying the full load while I am off enjoying myself!

Summer Recap Finale (Great Western Plains Zoo)

When we moved to Sydney nearly five years ago without a single friend, we spent several Sundays visiting a church that was within walking distance from our house. We landed there within the first two weeks of arriving: I remember because my mother was still here with us. My mother befriended a family the first Sunday and introduced me to them the next. My mother has always done well at finding good friends for me!

Having lived abroad themselves, the Ms could relate to our situation. When N, the mother, realized that Small Sun would be celebrating his third birthday she invited us over for a play. When we arrived I found that she had made a special dinosaur cake, had party favors, and a gift for him. We celebrated him together, her children and mine. I cry nearly every time I think about it. What a massive kindness to a family that is newly arrived with no friends, no family, no one to celebrate life with!

That was nearly five years and multiple children ago. Now between the Ms and us we have eight children and our parties have become much more lively!

Our friendship has grown over time and our children share some really beautiful and special friendships across gender and age. Sprout's very, very best friend is J, the second oldest M. They have been at preschool together, and are in their second year at school in the same class. All of our children look out for each other, and the older care for the younger. It is so special. 

Close on the heels of our Melbourne trip we decided to take a weekend trip to Dubbo and the Taronga Western Plains Zoo. Believe it or not, the Ms with their four kids were the ones up for a spontaneous five hour trip West with us! We went Saturday morning and returned Sunday night, spending a fabulous  24 hours in Dubbo.

Driving to Dubbo reminded me of driving through America's heartland. Great open fields and massive clouded skies. It was so, so beautiful.

We passed grazing kangaroos outside the entrance to the zoo, which is unique in that it only houses animals that naturally thrive in an expansive, hot and dry landscape. The zoo is large and you see it over the course of two days on bikes, golf carts, or by car. The enclosures are large and mimic the animal's natural environments.

The first day was nearly 40C and we sweated our way through half the enclosures. That night, after feasting together on a wonderful Thai supper, we flung ourselves into the hotel pool and swam and ate chocolate until the sun went down. I hope our children will always remember swimming into twilight, with their very best friends. 

That night a loud thunderstorm bucketed down, and the next morning dawned clear and cooler, which was perfect for our second day in the zoo. 

The keeper talk about the elephants was especially captivating.

One the way home we stopped at a big playground where there were botanical gardens adjacent, and N and I walked in the gardens while the kids ran off some energy. How many times have N and I cared for each other, sharing life's joys and crying over life's struggles? How many pots of tea have we lovingly brewed for each other? How many children's birthdays have we celebrated, and how many afternoon barbeques have we shared in the park?

Landscapes like this one above, sunlight filtering down through green leaves, dappled shadows dancing on the ground, feed my spirit and help me feel grounded. Our precious  friendship with the Ms has done the same. They have been our family here, always there to listen, to pray, to lend a kind hand, and to celebrate life together.

For our children the weekend to Dubbo was one massive play date they didn't want to end. Next we're planning a trip to the mountains to stay in a cabin together, do apple picking, and cave exploring. N is going to teach me how to preserve and make jam, and we'll go on cherishing the wonderful  friendship we have.

Court

B's family's case is in its last day before the court today. In December court adjourned until March, so I don't know if there will be a ruling today or not.

I'd like to say that I am steady and calm, but the truth is that in the quiet moments, between the full ones, I feel like I have lost my stomach along the way. I have felt like I'm in a pressure cooker for days, and feel as if I could throw up at any moment.

I don't even know what I want, I just know that this loving and then releasing is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than childbirth, and harder than parenting.

I keep sidling up to Thee Captain becaues he is the eternal steady presence in our home, and his clear eyes calm me. 

If you see me walking around breathing into a paper bag, just pat me on the back and remind me that it will all be okay in the end. I need to hear it.

Update: There was no ruling in court today. Evidently there will be a mention in court Monday, although I don't know what that means. It looks like I'll be needing the paper bag awhile longer.

Summer Recap (Windsong Lavender Farm)

One really enjoyable outing we did this summer was to Windsong Lavender Farm in Tahmoor. 

I love doing things like this, but I am such a homebody, I never initiate them. Thankfullly I am blessed with friends who like to organize things, so I get to cruise along on their good ideas and initiative. 

 

Even during the end of the season, the lavender was lovely.

After driving about an hour from Sydney, the kids tumbled out of the car, and took straight to running through the lavender and collecting fallen bark from the gumtrees to use as swords.

My friend had the wonderful idea to send the children on a treasure hunt. My favorite thing on her list was something that the children thought was beautiful, and something they thought was a treasure. 

Something yellow. Tick!

Sprout took the hunt very, very seriously.

Finch found his treasure. Pine needles placed in a roll of bark. Tick!

After they successfully found everything on the list, the children joined us for a wonderful Devonshire Tea.

Crumbs are the proof of enjoyment!

A run in the back paddock ended up with impromptu horse feeding. I was worried about the rumored giant black snake (venemous) snake the lived on the back of the property, but we didn't see it. 

There was much inspired galloping.

I love how much my children love each other.

It was a wonderful day and all our souls were blown clean by an afternoon in the country!

 

Summer Recap (Boxing Day at Bells Beach)

Our trip to Melbourne was such a wonderful experience. I wrote about the trip down the coast here.

All of the trip was enjoyable, but Boxing Day at Bells Beach on the Great Ocean Road was exceptionally lovely. Living Down Under I have grown to expect a perfectly blue sky day at the beach on Boxing Day, and this year did not dissapoint. 

Because Bells Beach is a surf beach with some serious rips, we didn't swim there, but spent the day shell hunting, watching the surfers, and lounging in the sun with our large group of relos (relatives).

Sprout dubbed the seaweed "bubble seaweed". It was like walking on one giant expanse of bubble wrap.

Exploring tidepools is one of my top five happy things. These moments make me so happy I could explode, popping just like the bubble seaweed! 

 

 

Summer Recap (Cookies and Gingerbread Houses)

Once Sinterklaas is properly celebrated, we move on towards Christmas. This year we had a cookie ornament decorating party with one friend, and a gingerbread house decorating party with some others. 

Ikea had some great Christmas stuff this year. Did anyone else go a bit wild shopping there?

This was my Pinterest inspired gift for some friends. Homemade hot chocolate mix. Not so practical for summertime, but I couldn't resist.

Of course there was lots of tasting.

We used Ikea gingerbread ornaments, and houses. Most of the house roofs fell in after several days, they were so loaded up with lollies, but that's okay. They smelled wonderful!

I made sure that we mothers didn't go hungry while the kids had their fun. We really had a great time!

 

Summer Recap (Sinterklaas)

We are officially six days into autumn, and before the summer slips away, I wanted to record some of our highlights. I attempted to make this summer our best Aussie summer yet, and I feel like it was everything I wanted it to be. So, to go back in time to December 5th, I present you with our Dutch Sinterklaas celebration.

The traditional meal for Sinterklaas is pea soup. I froze the hambone frome Thanksgiving and it worked a treat in the soup. (Or so they tell me, I'm vegetarian.)

We believe there are not many things in life that are not improved by a crusty loaf and some good cheese. A Dutch favorite is komijnekaas, or cheese with cumin seeds. I could eat the Maasdam for days!

When we opened our Advent calendar, our note said to tell the story of Sinterklaas, which we did, before building Sinterklaas' boat together.

My sister-in-law sent this cute hessian Sinterklaas sack that is still floating around the house!

Finally we opened our precious packages from overseas and started feasting on chocolate covered peppernoten (like button sized gingerbread cookies, dipped in chocolate). The kids were delighted to receive Pluk van de Petteflet, which is an absolute favorite Annie M.G. Schmidt book.

So that's how we celebrated Sinterklaas on a summer's day in Australia. Layed, back, low key, and tasty. Just how we like it!